Friday, October 5, 2012

HoH Appreciation Day?



We all know how hard it is to be the submissive partner in a DD/TTWD relationship. Submitting is not for sissies.  On good days,  it's relatively easy. Especially when we agree. Those days are so smooth and easy. We just blend together seamlessly, we truly are one. DD just feels so right.


It gets to be a true challenge when we don't agree. Those days we don't agree on the course of action we should take for an ordinary day-to-day issue we're faced with. Then there are those days we don't agree on a much larger issue.  Sometimes, we just aren't feeling it, and don't want to submit. For whatever reason. 


I think most of us would also agree that taking a painful spanking can be truly challenging as well. It may look like the spanker is doing all the work and the spankee only has to lay there. We know better. It's not easy to maintain your position. Not easy to resist your natural instinct to get away, or failing that, protect yourself and fight back. I grew up with the idea that if someone hit me, I had to hit them back.  It was a matter of honor :) 



With that said, what about the view from the other side........




What about the challenges from the HoH's point of view. I mean, we really do ask a lot of them. They have undertaken a huge responsibility. We expect them to be fair. We expect them to know, instinctively, what we need. We expect them to selflessly guide us. We expect them to help us meet our goals. To provide motivation when necessary. To provide maintenance to remind us of our roles. To carry out a punishment spanking, even when it's the last thing they want to do.  I'm still haunted by the pain I saw in Blue's eyes as he carried out a third and then a fourth punishment spanking. I saw his pain, but I also saw his determination. And his love.



I think most DD/TTWD lifestyles are started by the future submissive. We spend weeks or even months educating ourselves on this life and then we present our case to the HoH to be. Some agree to try DD with great reluctance and others seem downright eager to try it on for size. Given time the HoH settles comfortably into his new role. He gains more confidence with every passing day. Finally, inevitably, the day comes when he makes an unpopular decision or gives a spanking that is considered unfair. Then what?


A trial by fire. I know when I first seriously disagreed with Blue regarding a punishment, I reluctantly submitted. But then, I set about making his life miserable as repayment. I've learned a few things since then, and I've grown. I doubt that I would ever behave like that again. Still, I gave him hell. Literally.




What do the HoH's get in return?  A better relationship, sure! A better sex life, you bet! The benefits are too numerous to list. They would make an entire post. I  know several bloggers have done just that too.  Do all the benefits outweigh all the many responsibilities? 




Blue sure seems to be a happy man. He says he's just doing the job a man should do anyway. I know it all feels so right to me.  I have to believe Blue is being honest when he says DD is worth every hardship and bump in the road we've both experienced. And there have been many. I believe there will be many more.  I think we'll both rise to the occasion.



If you look at the calendar, there is no HoH appreciation day. I think there should be! I'm going to spend tomorrow showing Blue how much I appreciate him.  How grateful I am that he took on this role. Especially for sticking it out when I made it sooooo hard!


Have you hugged your HoH/DH/Top/Dom today?



62 comments:

  1. Hi CG. Thanks for a great post! It has to be hard on the guys trying to keep us in line. :). It's a great idea to have a day to show them how much they mean to us and how much we appreciate them for taking on the responsibility when it would be so easy not to. Hope you have a wonderful weekend!

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    1. Hi Nikki, and thanks! Glad you enjoyed the post. I'm happy not to be the HoH. It looks like pretty hard work at times! I guess the least we can do is pamper them, for a day anyway! I guess it could backfire though. What if they decide they want that treatment everyday??? Kidding....I think, lol! Hope your weekend and week, is happy too.

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  2. When you and I shared that picture of Blue in email, I really, really, really, really appreciated him! Seriously, yes, its important for us to remember that as much as we struggle, they sometimes struggle more. We should have an International Hug Your HOH Day! What a great idea!

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    1. Really? Lol, I'm still trying to figure out where you found that picture, Christina!!! An International Hug Your HoH Day.....yes, I like it! Should we start a petition or what???

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  3. Very nice! Cowgirl Up...Very nice.

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  4. Hi,

    Excellent post. As a switch, I think it is harder to be the spanker. I believe it is much more mentally stressful trying to provide just the right spanking. And, I am conflicted when I know that my dear friend is feeling the pain of my strokes. I know she craves the spanking, needs it, but that it still is very painful. I know because I have been on the bottom as well.

    I agree that it does lead to much better sex and a deeper connection.

    So, good for you. Blue should have his day.

    Hug,
    joey

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    1. Hi Joey! Welcome, it's great to see you here. I've been reading your comments all over and just recently visited your blog. I really like your Spanking Wizard series! I plan on doing some serious reading of your older posts asap. I've often thought that someone who knows what it's like to be the bottom would make a great top. Having the experience from both sides must be invaluable! I don't know if I could be the spanker. I know I couldn't do it to Blue. Not that I would have a chance in hell of that anyway, lol!

      Blue did have his day! Hope I didn't spoil him too much though. He might come to expect that all the time.

      Thank you for adding your personal experience. I appreciate your insight and I look forward to getting to know you better.

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  5. Ohhh - this makes me feel like such a bad submissive wife....... and inspires me to be a so much better one....
    I make Ian's life really miserable at times and I swear i don't mean to.
    This makes me aspire to be more aware of how hard Ian is working at dd for us. Thanks CG - I needed this today.
    Really.

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    1. Hi Lillie :) Did I prick your conscience just a little bit? Lol, totally unintentional! I think Ian would be bored if he didn't have to *adjust your attitude* on a regular basis! No, seriously, I appreciate your kind words. I know, it is really hard to be submissive all the time. Sometimes, I feel like I'm just too much work! I don't want to be just another thing on Blue's already long list of chores. It makes me feel a little better to give him one day of all the things that make him happy.

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  6. Thanks for this post, Cowgirl. This is a great reminder that we can never show too much appreciation. Sadly, too often, we become guilty of showing too little appreciation and focus way too much attention on our efforts to grow in our own marriage role. Its easy to forget that our spouse is also putting in a significant effort, and needs to be recognized from time to time.

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    1. I know I've been guilty of doing just that, OFM. Hopefully, I'll be able to remember that everyday, not just the odd day now and then! Thanks for stopping by, I've been enjoying your beautiful blog very much, OFM :)

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  7. Awesome post CG and so very true!

    Have a great weekend appreciating your Blue. ;)

    Blessings,
    Cat

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    1. Hi Cat :) Thank you! I enjoyed writing this one. I gave Blue the royal treatment yesterday! I think I liked it as much as he did ;)

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  8. Hey Cowgirl, that was a great post! Forgive me, but I'm not going to show this one to Barney right away. I don't want to scare him off! I'll will most definitely show him when the time is right.
    Saturday night is are our cook together night, just the two of us. This is the first Saturday where we both know which direction we want our relationship to go, so it should be interesting. I can tell you one thing though-he'll definitely feel appreciated!

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    1. Hey Wilma :) Oh, by all means, don't show Barney anything that would scare him off! Lol, some things are better to find out in your own way, in your own time. That's great, that you two have a special night. So important in today's busy world to make time for each other. Yes, DD will make an already special night even better and much, much more interesting! Enjoy!

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  9. Very thoughtful post and gesture. I am sure Blue will appreciate the special attention you intend to bestow on him tomorrow. Make it a great day for both of you.

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    1. It was a wonderful day, Sunnygirl! Blue even read my post, which he usually doesn't. He really likes reading the comments too. Hope you and Hubby are enjoying your traveling. Guess you're probably in Arizona by now. If Texas let you leave that is!

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  10. hm, i'm going to say that every monday will be Dom appreciation day for me.

    this was nicely written. Thanks!

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    1. Every Monday?? Hmmm, I don't know. I'm thinking one or twice a year! Lol! Thanks for the kind words, Fondles :)

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  11. What a fantastic post CG. Yes, I have hugged, and thanked, my HoH today - right after he gave me (another) spanking he didn't want to have to give me for failing to follow his instructions again!

    Sometimes it is hard to appreciate the job they do, when we're either otk, or don't agree with/like a decision/rule they have made or request they have made of us. They do have a difficult, and sometimes stressful job and I appreciate Joey's comment above.

    My Husband too seems to be more than happy in his role and tells me he believes this lifestyle is worth every hardship/bump in the road and whenever he punishes me, he does it with the ultimate, long term goal in mind.

    I try to ensure I show my husband my appreciation for him taking on this role every day.

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    1. Thanks Roz :) We really do make them work pretty hard sometimes, don't we? When I'm angry though, that's about the last thing on my mind. It's only after that I feel bad about how I acted. A spanking usaully makes me feel I've *paid* and so I can move past it. I'm glad to know that your husband also thinks it's all worth it. For every HoH that agrees with that, it only reinforces and reassures me that Blue really means it too. It's great that you show your Hubby appreciation every single day. I'm think I usually do too, but I'm going to try even harder. Thanks for adding to the discussion, Roz!

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  12. Wonderful post CG! It inspired me to wake Hubby up with some yummy, non sexual kisses this morning. I told him I appreciated him and how hard he works. I also told him that I love how close we are now. He woke up happy and comfy, which is his favorite way to wake up.
    I know that the 2 short reminders I've gotten so far were hard on him. He's nervous and he hates inflicting pain. But he is starting to understand. He's doing very well as an HoH and he deserves my appreciation.
    Thank you for the reminder. (((hugs)))

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    1. Hey Lil Misses :) Thank you! I'm so happy that I inspired you. I hope you both enjoyed the morning. Really, I think it's a good thing when the guys have a bit of a problem inflicting pain. I mean, it would be a little worrisome to me if Blue could dish out a true punishment spanking with no qualms or reservations whatsoever! They really do have a tough job. I couldn't do it! I'm so happy for you two. It sounds like things are going very well! Thanks for sharing. (((hugs)))

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  13. Just want to weigh in to say that the benefits are DEFINITELY worth the work. I would definitely not want to return to my former, vanilla relationship with my wife, and she has told me numerous times that she feels the same way. That being said, there's no doubt that being HOH (or in my case, Dominant) is a both difficult and a lot of work. So I appreciate the thought behind this post!

    As an aside, I think it's interesting that you believe most TTWD relationships are begun by the submissive. I would not have thought so before joining the TTWD blog community, but after reading so many stories, there are a surprising number of relationships that started off just as you describe. My relationship began the other way--I introduced my wife to TTWD. It would be interesting to get some statistics in this area to know how many were precipitated from each side of the fence.

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    1. Hello Jake! I'm so happy you took the time to weigh in and share your personal experience. I especially like your saying that it's worth all the work! I believe Blue when he says much the same, but....there are times I feel like I'm too much trouble. As I said to Roz above, I find it reassuring to hear that other HoH's agree that it's worth it. I really can't imagine how one could go back to vanilla! There's no way I would ever be happy with that again.

      I have come across a few bloggers or comments that say that the HoH started the TTWD relationship, but the vast majority of the bloggers I've read have been otherwise. I agree, it would be fascinating to have some statistics to really get an accurate idea of what the percentages are. Maybe I'll start an ongoing poll!

      Thanks again, Jake. I value all my comments, but I really do like hearing from the guys. It doesn't happen often enough. Please, come again!

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    2. The curious thing is there are very few male HoH's with blogs. Also, according to female subs who blog, or only comment, their HoH's rarely read blogs, if ever. The subs feed them blog excerpts they want them to see.

      I suspect a few may lurk a little, but generally it seems it's uncommon for male HoH's to blog, read and comment, or even simply lurk. And, less general but still common, there don't seem to be nearly as many female subs who participate in ttwd blog land if dd was not their idea. As you said, CG, Most bloggers are the female subs who introduced ttwd/dd to their husbands/male partners.

      A poll might be interesting, but if the majority of HoH's don't read or write blogs, and their female subs who were not the initiator are apparently less likely to read or blog, I'm not sure you'd get an accurate representation. There may be a huge population out there, of male HoH-initiated dd relationships in which neither partner has anything to do with the blogs and never will see your poll.

      Still, it would be fun to see how the metrics develop for all of those who do read here.

      Irishey

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    3. That's all too true, Irishey. I guess a poll wouldn't be very accurate. Hmmm, guess there really isn't any way to get a true idea of the percentages. I am pretty interested though. Well, maybe I'll do one anyway just for fun. Maybe we'd be surprised. Or, maybe no one would vote either, lol!

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  14. Ditto to what Jake says.
    But I'm still shaking.
    Not only do we get so much from TTWD, but then we even get a real, Hug your HoH day!
    Pinch my arm please, I have some trouble believing that I read this post and comments correctly.

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    1. Hi there Bas. Did you get Lisa to give you a little pinch? Yes! A real hug your HoH day! I sure hope you got yours too, Bas. All of you deserve it and then some :) I'm glad you enjoyed the post, but I didn't mean to shake you up, lol! Don't worry, I'll be back to complaining in my next post I'm sure!

      Seriously, I'm happy you added your HoH vote to the *it's all worth it* side. It helps to know you agree too.
      Thanks! (((HUGS)))

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  15. Hi Cg :)

    I am very guilty of forgetting how hard Ryan's job is. Especially if I have had a tough week. I mean....I can be a bit of a handful. The poor man basically has two full time jobs ;)

    So, because of your beautiful post I am going to do my best to remember that Ryan's job can be very difficult....and I will do my best to "appreciate" him in all of the right ways today ;)

    Have a wonderful weekend Cg :D

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    1. Hi Lucy! :) I know, it's all too easy to forget how hard they have it sometimes. I had been doing that for too long. Yes, I feel pretty high maintenance myself at times too! Thank you so much for your kind words! I hope you and Ryan both had a wonderful day. It's funny, the more we appreciate them, the more they reciprocate. Win, Win!

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  16. Your love just shines through. I hope you both have a lovely day.

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    1. Thank you Minelle! We did. I hope your weekend has been happy as well! :)

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  17. Does HoH appreciation day involve super soakers? ;)

    I hope you enjoy a beautiful day together.

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    1. Ha! Funny thing....when I went out to retrieve that super soaker, it had disappeared! I have a feeling I'm going to be on the receiving end of it when I least expect it! Oh well, I don't mind a repeat, lol! Thanks, Ana :D

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  18. I loved this post. I see my submission as a gift that is given to my husband. However, I also believe that being an HOH is a gift that he gives back to me as well. Sometimes it is easy to forget all the responsibilities that an HOH takes on and handles so that we don't have to. For me, I try to let him know that I appreciate the true gift he gives me on a regular basis. Once again I loved this post and your view on this subject.

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    1. Hi Hope, how wonderful to see you here! Thanks so much. I'm happy you enjoyed the post. I agree, your submission and his willingness to take on the role of HoH is the greatest gifts you could ever give to each other. It's wonderful that you show your husband your appreciation on a regular basis. It is so very easy to only think of our own struggles and never see the effort they make. I'm going to try very hard to not fall back into my old pattern of doing just that. Thanks again for stopping by and adding your own thoughts. I hope to see you again! Have a wonderful week. :)

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  19. "I think most DD relationships are started by the future submissive" - this is a brilliant insight, cowgirl!

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    1. Hmmmm.......really? I'm not sure if you're serious or pulling my leg, lol! Thanks Renee Rose! As SNP said, I'm looking forward to your shower scene story! No pressure though ;D

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  20. Soooo true! I think sometimes, some spankees think that they should hate spanking and by proxy dislike the spanker. It makes me sad to see that because the spankers have it HARD sometimes. We want them to read our minds, to stand firm when we argue and fight and struggle, to keep hurting someone they love because it's what they both want.. even if they don't want it in that moment.

    I could never be a spanker! Too much work! I do hug mine all the time :) Great post, Cowgirl. I love it!

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    1. Hi Rosie! Absolutely. I never really understood how much work was involved until that whole grounding from blogland thing and all that followed. Blue really did have to work soooo hard! Though, I guess I never really will understand just how hard. I agree, I have absolutely no desire to be the HoH/Dom! I don't think I could handle it at all. We do expect an awful lot from them and most of the time they do deliver! Thanks for adding your thoughts, Rosie. You always have such insightful comments! I appreciate that.....and your kind words!

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  21. Hey CG!!
    Wonderful Post:) Tuesdays are Mr. B's day but I usually add another day in there at some point each week or at least I try to:)

    Belle:)

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    1. Hey there, Smiling Belle! So happy to see you here. I just stumbled across your blog last week! I really enjoyed it and plan on spending more time there as soon as I can. Sigh...so many great blogs, so little time!! Wow, Tuesday's plus one other! You're making me feel lazy, lol! I'm going to have to step up my game here :D
      Thanks so much for stopping by!

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    2. So glad you have enjoyed it so far....I am enjoying yours as well! Oh and BTW....nice page:) I think we have excellent taste in our page layout hahahaha:) Love it!

      Belle:)

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    3. Thanks Belle! Yeah, *giggle*, we both have great taste don't we?! I noticed that you've been around longer than me. June to my July. Just say the word and I'll go and change my *dress*! And no hard feelings! I've been thinking of looking for a more western themed design anyway. Just been too lazy, lol!

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    4. Girl....I like being twinkies:) hahahahah! Keep it! That just means we share good taste:) LOL! Hey, with those coupons we talked about earlier we very well could have some of the same dresses....literally hahahahah! :) Hope you had a wonderful day!

      Belle:)

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    5. Twinkies! How funny! I like it, thanks for being such a good sport! :)

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  22. Obviously as a long time HoH, I love this idea!
    Feeling appreciated as the HoH does mean a lot to us.
    I also think there needs to be consistent appreciation of the submissive partner in a relationship too. Too often we focus only on the discipline, and we need to be mindful of everything our partners do for us. Appreciation and reward are vital in a DD relationship.

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    1. Hello Mr BB Spanker, what a pleasure that you stopped by and took the time to comment! Yes, it seems to be a popular post with the HoH's, lol! I agree, each partner deserves to feel appreciated all the time. Blue has a way of making me feel that every single day. I've often worried that I'm too much trouble. I don't want to be just another job for him. He has never even suggested that, but still......It is too easy for it to become all about the discipline! I think we're both pretty mindful to watch out for that pitfall. Thanks so much for sharing your experience and adding another voice from the HoH/Dom perspective. We can't have too many of those! I really do enjoy your blog. It's very useful and imformative. Keep up the great work!

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  23. Howdy, CG!

    It's interesting you mention this at this particular time of year. I wonder if Boss's Day, also known as National Boss Day and Bosses' Day, recognized on October 16th every year, shouldn't be expanded outside the workplace to include ttwd? With a bit of tweaking, it certainly fits the spirit of an HoH's Day, and it's just around the corner. Lends itself to a good cover story to avoid getting outed. Plus, there are tons of preexisting e-cards you can personalize, and themed make-your-own hard cards galore... Ah, the fun to be had!

    ;-)

    Irishey (the Holiday Hound)

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    1. Well howdy there, Irishey! Really? I didn't realize it was almost Bosses' Day! Yes, that would be a very appropriate day to honor the HoH as well! They are basically one and the same, lol! What a great idea you've given me. Really, I'm going to browse through the exsisting cards and find the perfect one to customize for Blue! I love it...oh, I'm going to have a ball with it! Thank you!!! You're brillant, Irishey aka the Holiday Hound :D I'm so glad you stopped by!

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    1. Thanks Dirty Blog! I've been seeing your comments here and there and I'm intrigued by that name. I'll be following you back to your place now, lol!

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  25. I am very late here...but I wanted to tell you that this was a fun idea and I'm going to have to plan my own special HOH appreciation day. Thanks!

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    1. Hi Susie :) Nah, it's never too late. Thanks for letting me know you like the idea! Have fun planning your own HoH day :)

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  26. I'm late too! (Waving from my chair) Thanks for the reminder. I think it is truly a huge burden and sometimes I feel very guilty for needing it. I try to make it as easy as I can by telling Him what I think I need and not always expecting Him to read my mind. I don't think of this as topping from the bottom-although some might- I just see it as asking for what I want. And then of course I have to accept what he does with my request. I think also, He learns about me from that-I've noticed I rarely have to ask for the same thing twice.....Thanks for thought provoking post!

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    1. No problem Saoirse, I'm open 24/7! Come on by whenever it's convenient for you, lol! I think it's great that you tell Him what you need/want instead of making him guess. Personally, I love it when people just come right out and say what they want/think. It makes everything so much easier. I don't think it's topping from the bottom as long as you accept whatever he decides, like you do!
      I'm glad you enjoyed the post. Thanks for taking the time to comment. I appreciate you! :)

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  27. Really great idea, Cowgirl. I agree that there definitely needs to be an HoH appreciation day, and I often think of that sort of thing myself -- what does he get out of it? Many think that he gets it all because we submit, but in my opinion, I'm getting a lot more out of it, so it is important to recognize what they do!

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    1. Thanks, Riley :) I agree, I feel I'm definitely getting a lot more out of this lifestyle than Blue. He doesn't think so though. Looking at the other HoH/Dom comments, it seems they're all pretty happy. I really needed to hear that too.

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  28. This is a great idea and a great reminder that we are not the only ones with a tough role to fill. Thank you!

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  29. Brilliant post, i think it is a great idea. It is hard work being an HoH!

    Princess x

    www.1950princess.blogspot.co.uk

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Thank you so much for your comments! I love knowing that you were here :)