Friday, October 5, 2012
HoH Appreciation Day?
We all know how hard it is to be the submissive partner in a DD/TTWD relationship. Submitting is not for sissies. On good days, it's relatively easy. Especially when we agree. Those days are so smooth and easy. We just blend together seamlessly, we truly are one. DD just feels so right.
It gets to be a true challenge when we don't agree. Those days we don't agree on the course of action we should take for an ordinary day-to-day issue we're faced with. Then there are those days we don't agree on a much larger issue. Sometimes, we just aren't feeling it, and don't want to submit. For whatever reason.
I think most of us would also agree that taking a painful spanking can be truly challenging as well. It may look like the spanker is doing all the work and the spankee only has to lay there. We know better. It's not easy to maintain your position. Not easy to resist your natural instinct to get away, or failing that, protect yourself and fight back. I grew up with the idea that if someone hit me, I had to hit them back. It was a matter of honor :)
With that said, what about the view from the other side........
What about the challenges from the HoH's point of view. I mean, we really do ask a lot of them. They have undertaken a huge responsibility. We expect them to be fair. We expect them to know, instinctively, what we need. We expect them to selflessly guide us. We expect them to help us meet our goals. To provide motivation when necessary. To provide maintenance to remind us of our roles. To carry out a punishment spanking, even when it's the last thing they want to do. I'm still haunted by the pain I saw in Blue's eyes as he carried out a third and then a fourth punishment spanking. I saw his pain, but I also saw his determination. And his love.
I think most DD/TTWD lifestyles are started by the future submissive. We spend weeks or even months educating ourselves on this life and then we present our case to the HoH to be. Some agree to try DD with great reluctance and others seem downright eager to try it on for size. Given time the HoH settles comfortably into his new role. He gains more confidence with every passing day. Finally, inevitably, the day comes when he makes an unpopular decision or gives a spanking that is considered unfair. Then what?
A trial by fire. I know when I first seriously disagreed with Blue regarding a punishment, I reluctantly submitted. But then, I set about making his life miserable as repayment. I've learned a few things since then, and I've grown. I doubt that I would ever behave like that again. Still, I gave him hell. Literally.
What do the HoH's get in return? A better relationship, sure! A better sex life, you bet! The benefits are too numerous to list. They would make an entire post. I know several bloggers have done just that too. Do all the benefits outweigh all the many responsibilities?
Blue sure seems to be a happy man. He says he's just doing the job a man should do anyway. I know it all feels so right to me. I have to believe Blue is being honest when he says DD is worth every hardship and bump in the road we've both experienced. And there have been many. I believe there will be many more. I think we'll both rise to the occasion.
If you look at the calendar, there is no HoH appreciation day. I think there should be! I'm going to spend tomorrow showing Blue how much I appreciate him. How grateful I am that he took on this role. Especially for sticking it out when I made it sooooo hard!
Have you hugged your HoH/DH/Top/Dom today?