I ended my last post with me waiting for Blue to finish with our second spanking of the day. I was feeling ashamed of myself for making this so hard for both of us. Especially hard for Blue. He was so determined to do what had to be done, but it was equally hard for him to do it! Regular readers may remember Blue saying that he hates to really hurt me. He wasn't kidding. Punishment spankings have always been a hard thing for him. The results are what gives him the strength to get through them. This spanking was no exception, and he finished what I had walked away from earlier.
By the next day, I was feeling back to my old self. Gone were the grumpies and I didn't feel any desire to needle Blue or be bratty. In the back of my mind, though I was thinking about that other spanking. The one I earned by walking away from that second spanking. The one he had told me I would be getting today. I really didn't want another one! I had already had three. The initial one that Friday and those two on Saturday. They were all real punishment spankings, and they were all with the belt. My poor butt was already too sore to sit down without pain. Maybe he'll forget or change his mind!
We enjoyed a leisurely breakfast and the Sunday paper. I was engrossed in the latest book reviews when I felt Blue's intent gaze. I looked over to find him studying me.
I know you remember what I said yesterday. Let's get it over with and enjoy the rest of the day. I'll meet you there in a few minutes.
You really don't have to do that, Blue! I'm sorry that I walked away like that. I did go back didn't I? Wasn't that good enough!
Yes, that was good enough. I'm proud of you for doing that. That's not what this is about. You have to know that when I say you're getting a spanking, that's just what's going to happen. Please, don't make this any harder than it already is. Go. Now.
The last thing I want is a repeat of yesterday. I reluctantly went to our bedroom and undressed. The waiting again! I hate it! Mercifully, Blue is there in just a few minutes. He gestures for me to bend over the bed once again. I do and so it begins. Again. I'm not expecting Blue to go easy and he doesn't. This fourth spanking is just as intense as the other three. I feel intense pain, but more than that. I realize in sheer disbelieve that I'm crying! I've never been able to cry during a spanking before. I always wanted to, it was a goal I had all but given up on. Suddenly, it's like a dam has given way and I'm sobbing uncontrollably. I'm shaking with the force of my tears. It's such a blessed relief. It's not about the pain, although I guess that was the trigger. All those walls I spent years building up to protect that child I used to be came tumbling down. For good I think, I hope. Blue is so shocked he stops and throws the belt down to gather me in his arms. I soak his shirt all the way through while he holds me tight. We lay together on the bed for a long, long time. I can't believe how I feel. Cleansed. Whole. Safe. Grateful. Madly in love with Blue.
The rest of my grounding from blogland was much easier and much less dramatic! Still, I really did miss everyone here. I don't think it would be an exaggeration to say I had real withdrawal symptoms. I smoked for years and it was pure torture to give cigarettes up. I used to guzzle Diet Coke all day every day, and when I quit, it was the second hardest thing to give up next to cigarettes. My addiction to blogland wasn't quite so severe, but it ranked up there somewhere. Good thing Blue took me in hand when he did, a few more weeks and I may have been a hopeless addict, lol!
I got caught up on the little things that had been neglected. I reconnected with a really good friend. I got back into my workout routine. It is a little disheartening how quickly I lost endurance. I'll get it back though. I had a girls day out with several friends that included lunch and shopping. Blue came home to a clean orderly house and hot home cooked meals. I even managed to make some really good desserts....Yes, Blue is once again a happy camper. And, so am I.
I think I have regained some perspective. No matter how good the posts, no matter how fascinating the stories, blogland is not my priority. Not even close. No blog, including my own will be more important than what I have here with Blue and taking care of my home and yes, even myself. I also have a part time business that will require lots more attention in the coming months.
I've made a little sign out of Bonnie's advice and posted it by my computer. I can't help but see it every time I sit down here. It simply says "Make your blog fit your life. Don't make your life fit your blog."
A hard lesson learned, but maybe that's the best way to learn one? Blue has not given me any restrictions as far as how much time I can spend here. He has no desire, or time, to micro-manage me. I'm free to spend as much time here as I want. With one BIG condition. Everything has to get done and get done right. Just like it was while I was grounded. Just like it used to be. If I can't manage that, right back to bending over the bed I go, followed by blogland being off limits again. I'm pretty sure it will be longer than a week next time.
Several bloggers commented that they give themselves time away from blogland on a regular basis. I think that's pretty smart, and I 'm going to do the same now and then. If I find myself coming down with a case of blog fever again, I plan on walking away for a day or two. Way better to police myself than have Blue do it!