So, I was all set to publish my first post since my grounding from blogland. I wrote a nice, happy cheerful post about how beneficial my time off was and how I got my priorities straight, yada, yada, yada. All true, but.....that's not the whole story. That's the second half of the story.
Because, before all that good stuff, there was some growing to do. On both our parts. I would like to say that I took my grounding with submissive good grace. But, I didn't. Not even close. I was pissed! Not so much because of missing blogland itself, although, I certainly did miss it and all my blogging friends/family. It was more the principle of the thing. I mean grounded...really! I haven't been grounded from anything by anyone since I was about what, 15? Being grounded rankled.
When Blue came home that Friday night, I was still doing chores. Chores that should have been done earlier in the day. I hadn't even started on the evening meal. This wasn't the first time either, and I had no good excuse. Blue asked what I had been doing all day. When Blue asks me a direct question, I just can't lie. DD or no DD, I'm just not capable of lying to him. He asked how much time I had spent on the internet. I told him, no choice. His eyes narrowed and his lips pressed together in that way they do when he's upset.
There's no doubt that this time, I will be spanked for my lack of time management. He has me wait in the bedroom while he cleans up. I really hate the waiting part, but finally, after a few hours, (no, more like 15 minutes) Blue appears in the doorway. With his belt. Sigh, so it's going to be one of those. He gestures for me to bend over the bed, which I do. He starts slow and easy while telling me how disappointed he is that I can't manage my time any better than that. He asks what I need to change, do I need him to make me a schedule. He has been progressively getting harder with his swats during all this talking. I have managed to answer pretty intelligently for several of his questions, but now I'm not really capable of that. It's all I can do to maintain my position without either putting my hand back or sidling away out of the strike zone. Holy s**t, that belt hurts! I grit my teeth and ride it out! Finally, Blue stops and steps back. I stand and turn around to face him. He pulls me into his arms and soothes me for several minutes. We sit down (ouch), to talk about blogland and my obsession with it. He breaks the news that besides the spanking I just had, I'm also grounded from blogland for a week!
At least, the next morning, Saturday, Blue allowed me a few minutes to say goodbye to you guys. I didn't want to just disappear, and he understood that. I hurriedly wrote that post about being grounded and then signed off.
I'm not so proud of my behavior during the next few days. I was a brat. Literally. I got under Blue's skin in a thousand different ways. I was grumpy. I was irritable. I was sarcastic. I was rude. Blue's resolve as a HoH was sorely tested. He stood fast. He stayed cool, calm and collected and didn't back down an inch. He spanked me twice that first day. I earned both of them. I needed both of them. I had trouble submitting to the second one. I was still feeling bratty. I know you're probably thinking, wow, what an idiot! You would be right.
Anyway, so there I was bending over the bed for the second time in one day, when I just basically stood up and walked away! It wasn't because of the pain, although, I assure you it was plenty painful. A spanking on an already red burning butt is seriously not fun! I do not recommend it. I'm still not exactly sure what came over me, I just decided I'd had enough. Enough spanking and maybe even enough of DD. I have never once felt that way before. A stunned Blue watches me walk away. I go into the living room and sit on the couch.
Blue is there standing over me in seconds.
We're not finished. I suggest you get yourself back in there. You've just earned yourself another spanking tomorrow. But now, we're going to finish what we started today. One way or another, we're going to finish this!
For the first time in over 20 years, I'm a little bit afraid of Blue. The feeling shocks me all the way down to my toes. Looking up at him in shock, I see he is fully prepared to toss me over his shoulder and carry me back to the bedroom if it comes to it. Looking more closely, I see he's just as distressed as I am. Suddenly, I feel ashamed. What am I doing to him, to us?
In this moment, DD is more real than it ever has been. We have been living the life for 6 months now, but it's never been THIS real. I have a choice to make here. I can say the words "I don't want to live in DD anymore." Or, I can submit. This isn't a game. It's real. Am I in or not. I can't have it both ways. I can't only submit when I feel like it. I can't only submit when I agree with Blue. I have to submit all the time. Even when it's the very last thing I want to do.
I stand up and silently make my way back to our bedroom and bend over the bed. I wait for Blue to come and finish what we started.