Thursday, August 16, 2012

It Was Just A Matter Of Time


I knew it was inevitable that this day would come. I have been actively dreading it. I've often wondered just what I would do when the time came. I knew it was going to be a problem. A big one. That day finally came. Blue uttered those 5 dreaded words:


Go stand in the corner.


Such a dumb little thing led to this point. Blue had asked me for the second time to call the mortgage company. He wants to know about dropping the PMI, we are probably eligible to do that by now. Anyway, once again, I didn't exactly get around to calling. I meant to. I didn't forget. I was sidetracked by one thing or another. I lost track of time, and then it was too late to call.  I'll call them first thing in the morning before I do anything else, I thought. Maybe I'll get lucky and Blue won't think about it until tomorrow night.....



Nope, no such luck.After supper and all the chores were done, we settled down for a little TV.Blue looks over and asks me what the mortgage company said. I really hate having to tell him that I haven't called yet. I have to explain why I didn't get this one thing that he asked done.  Blue looks a little annoyed, but that's all. If this hadn't been the second time he's asked, this would have been the end of it. I know he's not just going to let it slide again without making a point of some kind.


He says the 5 dreaded words. The moment is surreal, and I just sit there looking at him. I feel myself flush. My mind is racing. I think about all the blogs I've read and all the women who routinely stand in the corner. While I haven't read that any of them exactly enjoy it, they don't seem to have a problem submitting to it. Why do I??


I am not special,  I shouldn't get a pass on this. If all those others can stand in the corner, I should be able to. I don't think I'm better than the ones who go stand in the corner when told to. In fact, I think maybe they are stronger than me. I'm not sure why I have such a major aversion to the whole idea of corner standing. But, I do.


Blue is watching me with interest.  He knows me well, and understands what he's asking isn't such a simple thing for me. Finally, I  stand on shaky legs and walk towards the nearest corner. I come within about 3 feet of it and stop.



I just stand there. I can't believe I'm making such a big deal out of this. I know if I stand in that corner, I will be somehow less in my own eyes. I will feel humiliated and shamed. Why this is, I can't say, but for me, it's true. Blue comes and stands beside me.



Could he physically put me in that corner....no question. Will he.....I doubt it. Am I actually going to resist if he does.......Yes. Yes, I am....




Would you rather get another spanking?




I consider this. Don't be crazy, I tell myself. Another punishment spanking is about the last thing I want right now. I finally answer Blue. Yes I would rather get a spanking.




Blue looks pretty surprised by this and he stands there studying me for several minutes. I don't look away and our eyes lock. I don't know what Blue sees in my eyes, but I know what I suddenly see in his. Compassion. He steps forward and takes me into his arms and I bury my head in his shoulder. This simple kindness accomplishes what no spanking ever has.
I cry.



26 comments:

  1. Yeah, I have never been in that position, literally or figuratively, but I can imagine your feelings, and I think I would feel pretty much the same way. Sounds like it ended up being a very emotional encounter though.

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    1. Thanks for commiserating Julia. It was an incredibly emotional experience. Writing about was almost as emotional as living it. I never expected this blogging thing to be so therapeutic!

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  2. Aww. First time to your blog and I'll certainly be back. Beautifully written. Submitting to standing in the corner is not only a struggle for you girl, a lot of women feel the same way. I actually just wrote about this on my blog a week ago....the different emotions, purposes behind it, etc.

    I'm glad your Dom/Top handled the situation in a way that accomplished a positive outcome for you both.

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    1. Welcome Irish Imp, I'm glad you found my blog. Thank you so much for the kind words. I did go over and read your post about standing in the corner. You make it sound like a pretty positive experience, and I'm happy to hear it. If I'm asked to do this again, maybe your post will help me submit. Thanks for taking the time to comment.

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  3. This is a very intimate post, Cowgirl Up. I feel prevlidged to read. Thank you for sharing.

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    1. Thank you SNP. I'm happy you came by to read my post. Writing and sharing this experience has really helped me to process it. I never expected blogging to be so good for me!

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  4. Wow! What a wonderful moment in your marriage, Cowgirl. You are really learning a lot about each other. These HoH's are really intuitive. He did exactly what you need him to do, and it sounds like you surprised him as well.
    Beautiful.

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    1. Hello Lillie, I'm so happy to see you here and I really appreciate you taking the time to comment. Just when Blue and I thought we knew everyting there was to know about the other, along comes DD! It is just incredible how much we have grown and learned since we started this lifestyle. I surprised myself as much as I did Blue with my reaction. He does seem to know exactly what I need, it's uncanny! From what I've read on your blog, Ian really knows what he's doing too. I hope you have a wonderful weekend and thanks again for your kind words. :)

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  5. I love the tenderness he showed you. Now, go call that darn mortgage company, lol! I've never heard those five words myself, but this does make me wonder how I would react if I did.

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    1. The man does know how to be tender when it's needed. Lol, I did make that phone call my top priority. No more problems there! Glad you came by Tess, thanks!

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  6. Cowgirl, you are definitely not the only one who struggles with submitting to corner time. Even those of us who get corner time on a regular basis often have a tough time with it. Sometimes it is just plain nasty!

    I remember my first corner time experience. I think I literally cried for an hour afterwards. It was such an emotionally draining, humbling, exhausting experience. Now corner time is a big part of my life and it's quite routine. I've learned how to accept it.

    If Blue decides to make this a part of your life, you will learn to accept it too. It sounds like he will be very considerate and sensitive to your emotions surrounding all this, and will make it as easy for you as he can.

    Trust him. He obviously loves you deeply and is going to take fantastic care of you, corner time or not.

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    1. I remember reading about this on your blog not long ago Molly Rose. Yours was one of the blogs I was thinking of at that moment. I even remember that I commented about how it hasn't happened to me yet, and that I didn't know if I could do it. That jinx thing is really going around!

      Anyway, I know you had a hard time with it. I remember feeling very sympathetic towards you, but honestly, I didn't really get why it made you cry. Even though I didn't get closer than 3 feet to my corner, I understand why you found it so emotional now. It's amazing that something so seemimly simple is so very, very hard! My hat is off to you. You followed through with Jack's request and I respect you for it.

      I do trust Blue. With my life. This whole thing could have gone the other way and ended up as something pretty ugly. I know I'm very lucky that Blue takes such good care of me. He always has.

      Thank you so much for taking the time to share your own experiences Molly Rose. I appreciate it very much!

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  7. I haven't been sent to the corner, but I imagine I would have a hard time submitting to that too. I'm so glad to hear he is so compassionate with you. That's love...
    I'm a new fan and I really like your blog!

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    1. Hi lilmisses, I'm happy that you're here. I'm so glad you like my blog, and took the time to tell me so! Yeah, I think the man might really love me :) I am so blessed! Thanks again and have a great weekend.

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  8. Hi Cowgirl! I dread hearing those words as well and I hope I can get at least as far as you did......Sounds like you're in good hands!

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    1. Hi there Saoirse! Glad to see you again. I wish you luck if you ever hear them! I am so lucky to be in very good hands. Thanks!

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  9. I am so glad you were both able to communicate and understand each other.

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    1. Hello Minelle Labraun! I recognize you from your comments on other blogs. I'm so happy to have you visit me. Yes, this worked out very well for both of us. Thanks for taking the time to comment. :)

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  10. Hi, Cowgirl. I think I understand your perspective and aversion to corner time. Each of us has certain limits and expectations for ourselves, some of it rooted in our upbringing, some of it simple pride, some of it in the history of our relationship dynamic.

    Each form of discipline, correction and punishment has a different flavor, and they don't taste the same to everyone. I think they all have an acquired taste for some; however, some of us just aren't ever going to be able to make ourselves taste the worm sandwich or snack on chocolate-covered bugs without throwing up, no matter how much we want to submit or lead.

    Dd/dh/ttwd should only ever be for the betterment of the relationship and both parties involved. It should never harm the dynamic or damage the psyche. Sure, mistakes will happen and, when they do, how they are handled are the true test of both parties' real intentions toward the other and their relationship.

    Oh, dang, I do tend to write and think a lot. It's in my nature. No amount of corner time, writing lines, spanking, extra chores, etc., ever will "cure" me of that - it's not something I do, it's intrinsic to who I am. I can, however, temper it. The best way for me to do that is by applying common courtesy. With that said, time to sign off! ;-)

    Irishey

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    1. Hi Irishey, I'm happy to see you here! You made some very good points. I especially like your reference to worm sandwiches and chocolate-covered bugs :) I agree that DD and all the others should only improve a relationship, never harm. I think Blue's true nature came through loud and clear here. Thank you so much for taking the time to add your comments and share your own experiences. Feel free to come by and write just as much as you want anytime! I can use all the help I can get :)

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  11. That was such a moving post. So lovely the way things worked out. You tried your best and he did his best.

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    1. Hi there, Sunnygirl. It's great to see you here! It was wonderful how this all worked out! I'm glad you enjoyed the post. Thanks for your kind comments :)

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  12. Oh how I understand. I feel the same way. I would rather be spanked. The Man has modified this for us. If I need a "moment" then he will either send me to "relax" for a bit in our room, or he will have me think about things. Your Man did well, yes he did. I commend you for trying, sometimes Sweetie, that's the best we can do, and from what I can see, you BOTH gave your best in this situation.
    Dana

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  13. Hi Dana, it's great to see you here! So, you get sent to "relax" huh, that doesn't sound so bad :) I have to agree, Blue handled the situation very well, it could have become something very ugly. Thank you so much for sharing your personal experiences and for your kind words. I really appreciate that!

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  14. I know I'm going backwards here...sorry! This was a really compelling post. I feel the same way about the corner and we haven't used it in at least a year b/c of how hard it is for me. You have a good man--the way he handled this and you was amazing.

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    1. No problem Susie! Actually, that's how I read blogs I've just discovered too. The corner does seem to be a pretty big deal for a lot of us. It sounds like such a simple thing, but it sure isn't! I still can't really articulate just why that is. I agree, Blue handled me just the way I needed him to. He usually does. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my posts and to share your own experiences. I value your opinions. :)

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Thank you so much for your comments! I love knowing that you were here :)