Thursday, August 16, 2012
It Was Just A Matter Of Time
I knew it was inevitable that this day would come. I have been actively dreading it. I've often wondered just what I would do when the time came. I knew it was going to be a problem. A big one. That day finally came. Blue uttered those 5 dreaded words:
Go stand in the corner.
Such a dumb little thing led to this point. Blue had asked me for the second time to call the mortgage company. He wants to know about dropping the PMI, we are probably eligible to do that by now. Anyway, once again, I didn't exactly get around to calling. I meant to. I didn't forget. I was sidetracked by one thing or another. I lost track of time, and then it was too late to call. I'll call them first thing in the morning before I do anything else, I thought. Maybe I'll get lucky and Blue won't think about it until tomorrow night.....
Nope, no such luck.After supper and all the chores were done, we settled down for a little TV.Blue looks over and asks me what the mortgage company said. I really hate having to tell him that I haven't called yet. I have to explain why I didn't get this one thing that he asked done. Blue looks a little annoyed, but that's all. If this hadn't been the second time he's asked, this would have been the end of it. I know he's not just going to let it slide again without making a point of some kind.
He says the 5 dreaded words. The moment is surreal, and I just sit there looking at him. I feel myself flush. My mind is racing. I think about all the blogs I've read and all the women who routinely stand in the corner. While I haven't read that any of them exactly enjoy it, they don't seem to have a problem submitting to it. Why do I??
I am not special, I shouldn't get a pass on this. If all those others can stand in the corner, I should be able to. I don't think I'm better than the ones who go stand in the corner when told to. In fact, I think maybe they are stronger than me. I'm not sure why I have such a major aversion to the whole idea of corner standing. But, I do.
Blue is watching me with interest. He knows me well, and understands what he's asking isn't such a simple thing for me. Finally, I stand on shaky legs and walk towards the nearest corner. I come within about 3 feet of it and stop.
I just stand there. I can't believe I'm making such a big deal out of this. I know if I stand in that corner, I will be somehow less in my own eyes. I will feel humiliated and shamed. Why this is, I can't say, but for me, it's true. Blue comes and stands beside me.
Could he physically put me in that corner....no question. Will he.....I doubt it. Am I actually going to resist if he does.......Yes. Yes, I am....
Would you rather get another spanking?
I consider this. Don't be crazy, I tell myself. Another punishment spanking is about the last thing I want right now. I finally answer Blue. Yes I would rather get a spanking.
Blue looks pretty surprised by this and he stands there studying me for several minutes. I don't look away and our eyes lock. I don't know what Blue sees in my eyes, but I know what I suddenly see in his. Compassion. He steps forward and takes me into his arms and I bury my head in his shoulder. This simple kindness accomplishes what no spanking ever has.