Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Blue....The Right Man For The Job

Okay, I'm tired of always writing "my husband", and you're probably tired of reading it.  My husband's nickname is Blue. I'll be calling him Blue here too. Long story there, maybe I'll share another day :)

I lurked on a lot of blogs for several months while I was learning and still deciding what I thought about DD. I always found the comments fascinating (still do), and I learned almost as much from the commentators as I did from the blog writers. I still like to lurk, but I also like to comment and have introduced myself, so to speak, on several of my favorite blogs. There are so many good ones, I'm going to have to be careful I don't get myself in trouble spending too much time trying to read them all, and maybe leaving a comment here and there. There have been a few close calls the past week!

Anyway, while I was reading some of the comments, I came across some that were a little disturbing. It seemed like the commentators were actually being abused, real abuse. No, I'm not talking about the consensual mutually enjoyed kind. 

I'm talking about real domestic violence. What they described in their comments didn't sound anything like DD, although that's what they were calling it. The goal of the discipline they received didn't seem to have anything to do with correcting a behavior and improving a relationship. There was no respect or love for her as a person and partner.  

To me, it sounded like their HoH's were using discipline as an excuse to take out their anger on them. Punishments were described that seemed so over the top it was worrisome. Some of them actually sounded life threatening. The women who wrote these comments sounded scared and lost. They were reaching out for help and advice, and my heart just broke for them. They were trying so hard to be "good", and in exchange they were being abused by the one person they trusted.

In my humble opinion, a womans' submission to her man is a precious gift. He should make every effort to be worthy of that gift, not use it as an excuse to treat her as something less than a human being.

When having a DD marriage was still just an idea, I was very comfortable with the thought of  Blue becoming my HoH. I knew without a doubt in my mind that he was worthy of my gift of submission. Blue is slow to anger and is always able to control himself, even when he's very, very angry.  In the face of some of my worst meltdowns and hormonally driven craziness, he keeps his cool.

My trust hasn't been misplaced, he has proven himself to be the perfect man to lead me. He's fair in his use of punishments. I have to admit I've never received a spanking that I didn't earn. I know that I'm safe even in the midst of a painful spanking, I feel his love for me even then. I have no fear of  Blue, but I do respect him. I am blessed.



20 comments:

  1. Well said. Submission is a gift and violence has no place in that. I agree with you. You are blessed to have Blue and I'll say-- he is blessed to have you:) Regards, SNP

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind words, SNP. I appreciate you saying so!

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  2. Good post Cowgirl. I think you and Blue are very blessed to have each other.

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    1. I think we are too, Molly Rose, thanks!

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  3. Blue! That is an adorable nickname, I'd love to hear how he got it! Very sweet post, too. I'm glad you have one another.

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    1. Glad you like the name, and the post Riley! Maybe one day I'll fill you in on why Blue is Blue :) Thanks for commenting.

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  4. You are very right- there are a lot of people out there who can't see the difference between abuse and DD. I dont think it can be said enough! Well said!

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    1. Hello Mrs. Soft Bottom, glad to see you here! I agree, there is a lot of domestic violence out there posing as DD. Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts!

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  5. DH, my husband, stands for dear husband, that is what I call him on my blog.
    I try to stay away from blogs where I am just not sure of the content. If I don't feel comfortable reading it, I don't go back. You know? Blogging to me is supposed to be fun!

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    1. I seriously considered using DH too. Then I thought, what the heck, I'll just go ahead and use Blue. I absolutely agree that blogging should be fun and I try to have some! I have come across some blogs that are so dark they make me uncomfortable, I do know what you mean. I guess it all depends on what you're looking for. Thanks for taking the time to comment, Julia.

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  6. Love the name. I am glad that you recognize the differences between domestic abuse and domestic discipline. In our relationship, we have the dd and we are also spankos. Spankings can be fun and erotic. But when I have done something really wrong, the discipline spanking feels different mentally. It's all about how we each make the relationship. Good job

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    1. Hi Blondie! Glad you like the name. I know what you mean about different kinds of spanking. We do several different kinds too, and they all have their own "flavor." Maintenance spankings, for us, are friendly and often become erotic. Punishment spankings, on the other hand, are never fun or erotic. Thanks for sharing your experiences.

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  7. Being new to DD, we are still finding out way through it. I like the way you explain it. It is a gift that I can only give to the most deserving, trusted person in my life!

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    1. Hello Bad-Cat, nice to see you here! I'm glad you liked my post. Thank you for taking the time to comment. I'm still fairly new to DD too. There are so many great blogs out there that can help so much. I hope you find the lifestyle as rewarding as I have.

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    2. I haven't received very many punishment spankings thus far but the ones I have gotten, H has actually asked me what I feel I deserve after the lecture. I try to be honest knowing this is the only way to clean the slate and also knowing he can and will override me if I am too lenient. He admits I am usually harder on myself than he would typically be. I feel so connected to him, he has proven he is worthy of my gift which makes me want to please him more. I already see this working for us.

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    3. That's great Bad-Cat! It sounds like things are working very well for you both. It is amazing how much closer DD can bring you, that's my favorite thing about the whole dynamic I think. It sounds like you make things easier for your H by being so honest! Thank you for sharing your experiences.

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  8. Excellent post. It is very much a gift, and like you, my Ward is the most deserving man I have ever known. He is kind, gentle, my best friend, my everything. He also never lets me forget that he is grateful for that gift, and that it makes him want to be an even better man because of it. It's lovely reciprocity.

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  9. Hello June and welcome! Sounds like we're both pretty lucky women.
    Blue was always a good man, but he has grown so much since we started DD. I love the way the whole dynamics of this lifestyle has changed both of us for the better. Thanks so much for taking time to share your thoughts!

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  10. Blue is a great name. I'm still using husband or DH. Maybe I'll come up with something clever... :)

    I agree, I am sometimes seriously disturbed over things I've read on blogs. I even have a hard time when it's consensual but the woman hates it.

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    1. Thanks Renee Rose, I love his name too! I'm sure you could come up with something very clever. It might be lots of fun for you just thinking about all the possibilities :)

      I know what you mean, even when the women say they consent, I have a really hard time with some of the things I've heard described being done to them! It just makes me feel sad.

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Thank you so much for your comments! I love knowing that you were here :)