Okay, I'm tired of always writing "my husband", and you're probably tired of reading it. My husband's nickname is Blue. I'll be calling him Blue here too. Long story there, maybe I'll share another day :)
I lurked on a lot of blogs for several months while I was learning and still deciding what I thought about DD. I always found the comments fascinating (still do), and I learned almost as much from the commentators as I did from the blog writers. I still like to lurk, but I also like to comment and have introduced myself, so to speak, on several of my favorite blogs. There are so many good ones, I'm going to have to be careful I don't get myself in trouble spending too much time trying to read them all, and maybe leaving a comment here and there. There have been a few close calls the past week!
Anyway, while I was reading some of the comments, I came across some that were a little disturbing. It seemed like the commentators were actually being abused, real abuse. No, I'm not talking about the consensual mutually enjoyed kind.
I'm talking about real domestic violence. What they described in their comments didn't sound anything like DD, although that's what they were calling it. The goal of the discipline they received didn't seem to have anything to do with correcting a behavior and improving a relationship. There was no respect or love for her as a person and partner.
To me, it sounded like their HoH's were using discipline as an excuse to take out their anger on them. Punishments were described that seemed so over the top it was worrisome. Some of them actually sounded life threatening. The women who wrote these comments sounded scared and lost. They were reaching out for help and advice, and my heart just broke for them. They were trying so hard to be "good", and in exchange they were being abused by the one person they trusted.
In my humble opinion, a womans' submission to her man is a precious gift. He should make every effort to be worthy of that gift, not use it as an excuse to treat her as something less than a human being.
When having a DD marriage was still just an idea, I was very comfortable with the thought of Blue becoming my HoH. I knew without a doubt in my mind that he was worthy of my gift of submission. Blue is slow to anger and is always able to control himself, even when he's very, very angry. In the face of some of my worst meltdowns and hormonally driven craziness, he keeps his cool.
My trust hasn't been misplaced, he has proven himself to be the perfect man to lead me. He's fair in his use of punishments. I have to admit I've never received a spanking that I didn't earn. I know that I'm safe even in the midst of a painful spanking, I feel his love for me even then. I have no fear of Blue, but I do respect him. I am blessed.