Thursday, August 30, 2012

It Was A Dark And Stormy Night....

I live in tornado country. It's not uncommon to have so many tornado warnings issued on the radio and TV that you can't even begin to watch anything without so many cut ins, you may as well just turn it off.  I've seen a few tornadoes, luckily from a safe enough distance. They are awe inspiring in their terrible beauty. It's a sight and sound never forgotten.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it, we haven't had to deal with many storms the past few years due to a terrible draught that I know is effecting a large part of the country. We would love to have rain, we pray for rain, but without the damaging storms that often accompany it.

One day last week, you could just tell it was going to be stormy later that afternoon. It was so hot, but it was so humid too. I could see the storms building to the west, the clouds getting tall and dark. The weather guys started with the watches. Then, the warnings began to be issued. Still to our west, but getting closer by the hour.

I carried on with my usual chores. I made one of Blue's favorite pasta dishes and had it warming in the oven. I had the table set and was hoping that Blue would get home before the storm hit. The thunderstorm warning now included our county and it was going to start very soon. Luckily, no tornadoes were expected, although the wind was to be near hurricane force with small hail and torrential rain.

Blue finally arrived, and I kid you not, he just barely made it in the door before the wind slammed the house and the rain came down in sheets. We could hear hail so hard on the windows, I was afraid they might break. As Blue was taking off his work boots, the electricity went out. It was completely dark except for the flashes of lightning. Without the noise of the TV, we could hear the storm raging even more than before.

Blue and I stumbled around rounding up candles and a few flashlights.  Of course, I had trouble finding flashlights that actually worked. Someone really should check them now and then for just such an occasion!  Blue takes a battery operated lantern with him to go clean up while I light the candles on the dining room table. Hey, this is starting to look cozy and romantic.

We sit down in the flickering light to eat our pasta while the lightning flashes and the rain slides down the window. At least, the hail was brief and there probably isn't much damage. Without any distractions from TV, radio, phone or Internet, we find ourselves really focusing on each other. Blue tells me a few funny stories about his day, and I tell him about this stray cat that's been hanging around. Soon though, we find ourselves talking less, and looking at each other more. Finally, we fall silent and just sit looking. It's beyond romantic with the storm outside, the candles inside...Blue gives me that wicked grin that I love and that makes me weak in the knees.

So, what's for dessert?  He asks.

Oh, I'm liking the direction this is going!  I hope the power stays off for a good long time.

Whatever you want.  I answer with a wicked grin of my own.

Blue stands and comes around the table to take my hand and pull me to my feet. We grab a few candles on the way to the den. I'm suddenly so glad that today instead of my usual jeans, I chose my favorite sundress. It makes me feel pretty and feminine in a way that jeans don't.

Blue leads me to the couch and pulls me down and across his lap.  Did I actually just giggle like a school girl?  Yes, I think I did!

I think it's time we had a little maintenance. 

I've read enough blogs to know maintenance isn't always such a welcome thing. Honestly, I love it! Our maintenance sessions are generally friendly and often lead to better things. He begins to swat me very softly with his hand. He slowly increases the intensity of the swats.

You were a little rude to me this morning, you need to be more careful about that.  

True, I was grumpy that morning. Blue suddenly flips up the skirt of my dress and increases the tempo and intensity of his swats. He keeps it up for long enough that I begin to squirm and I have to fight the urge to put my hand back there to try and stop him. I've done that before and it doesn't work out very well for me. I know better now.

Blue knows he's made his point, and he slows his pace and lightens up his intensity. He finally stops altogether and he's quiet for so long I begin to wonder if something's wrong. I manage to turn my head enough to look up at him. He's just sitting there gazing down on me and I suddenly feel as shy as I did when we first married.

He helps me sit up and holds me in his lap stroking my hair. Finally, we stand and make our way to the bedroom with only the flickering light of a single candle and the sound of rain on the roof.  I love storms!

Monday, August 27, 2012

A Word From Blue

Back in July, my good friend Molly Rose had a post with a series of questions meant to get to know others better.  Both Molly Rose and her fiance Jack completed the questions, and I know Riley and her guy, Cael did too. Also, Rosie and Mr Bossy.  If you haven't read those, just click on their names and go check it out. It's very interesting hearing about how others got started in this lifestyle. At least, I think so.  I answered the questions myself too.

I didn't even try to get Blue to participate then, but we had a lot of time this weekend. That doesn't happen too often unfortunately. Anyway, he indulged me and answered the questions. I faithfully transcribed his responses here. As it turns out, it's a little embarrassing to read about yourself  in a format like this. I wish we had done it as a couple like the others, but I guess better late than never?  I thought maybe you would enjoy getting to know Blue a little better, so I guess I'll just grin and bear it. :)

1. How did you very first learn about DD, and what was your initial reaction to the concept?

I knew something was up before I ever heard the words Domestic Discipline. My wife, you know her as Cowgirl, had changed a lot in the way she handled herself. I did love the changes. One night she brought the subject up. I could tell that this was something important to her, so I listened and tried to keep an open mind. I hope I don't offend anyone when I say, I thought it was too weird for my tastes. I couldn't understand why a grown woman would want to be treated like a child. I know now it isn't like that at all. I want to add that I wasn't a bit surprised at the name my wife gave herself. It fits her to a T.

2. Share one of your all-time favorite DD memories of you and your partner.

I know my Cowgirl  wrote about the whole standing in the corner thing. What you may not understand is that Cowgirl giving herself permission to cry is a pretty rare thing. Her crying on my shoulder that day is something I'll never forget. Not much else to say there...

3. What is one aspect of DD that you feel your partner has always handled very well?

Cowgirl is quick to own up to her mistakes and I like that. She never tries to get out of a punishment even when she knows it will be a strong one.

4. If you had to pick one person in your life to tell that you practice DD, who would you tell?

I would tell my Dad. He's of a generation where men were men and no apologies for it. My parents have a marriage that closely follows DD principles anyway. If there's spanking involved there, I don't even want to know about it!

5. What is one thing you wish you had known when you started DD?

Spanking my wife to punish her is the hardest thing I've ever done. It hurts me more than her I think. I hate seeing her in pain of any kind. I can't argue with the results though, so I will do it when I have to. The day I saw her driving like a Nascar driver, her words, took about 5 years off my life.  I was glad I still had some work to do before I could get home. I needed that time to settle myself down to deal with her. 

6. (I added this question of my own) So, how do you make your hand feel like a 5 pound brick? You  
    shouldn't be able to do that!!

Come here and I'll show you!  (laughing)

Blue never did get around to showing me that hand trick of his. He showed me lots of others though. I do love that man!  Thanks again Molly Rose for the questions. Maybe we can get a few more people to participate....I promise, I'll pass along any comments you may have to Blue.

Friday, August 24, 2012

For Divas Only!

I debated for several days on this post. Should I publish this or not. It is a little lot bizarre and it has absolutely nothing to do with DD. Still, it is so very funny....I guess if you're reading this, I finally hit the publish button.

I never in a million years expected to have a post about a feminine hygiene product. Wait, don't leave yet!   The following is a review I came across at about an alternative to the usual things you find at your local drugstore to deal with your, well you know.  This writer is so bust-a-gut-laughing funny, I just had to share it with you guys. Apparently, the reviewer is preparing for a trip to an exotic locale, and the vacation is coinciding with a certain monthly inconvenience. Oddly enough, she is writing under the name Ben Dover, but this a woman without a doubt.

Seriously, I haven't read anything this funny since Lillie's post about cat crack! If you haven't read that, do yourself a favor and check it out here.

Disclaimer: The following is pretty graphic at times, although it's done in a funny way. Some may find it offensive. If so, I apologize.

Still with me?  I hope you have as much fun reading this as I did......

So one of the many new devices I purchased for this trip was a Diva "Moon Cup". Since feminine hygiene supplies would be hard to come by and waste-producing, I opted instead to buy a thing like a Barbie Deluxe Toilet Plunger, and stuff it up my hooha.

The theory is that the cup catches your pan drippings, and you empty it a couple times a day, washing it with hippy soap, and reinserting. It presupposes you are enough of an Earth Mother to be OK not only with your monthly outpourings, but also with generally fossicking around in your flaps. Now, I am no stranger to gore. Nor am I squeamish about my delicate rose of delight, except that I have no such illusions about it and indeed am always reminded of nothing so much as stuffing an oddly-warm raw turkey. So, when after several weeks of teasing, the Period Fairy threatening to postpone the Communist Invasion until I was actually getting on the plane (I was about ready to scream and cry at some hapless unwary male just as a sacrifice to appease her) at last I greeted the rosy-fingered dawn and set about embarking on my new life as a eco-friendly Diva.

The Moon Cup comes in two sizes; Size A, for youthful nymphs under 30 who have never given birth and have silken tresses and tinkling laughs and are all size 0, and size B, for Big Ol' Bitches like m'self, who have either spawned, or are so old (ie over 30) that they might as well have been poppin' them out like Duggar Donuts, because their sugar walls are now echoing corridors full of cobwebs and slackness. Of course the packaging phrases it more nicely, but I was miffed to see that despite having never replicated, I was still doomed to the Big Gulp size because of my age alone.

So, chalice in hand, fingers washed, and let's fold that thing like a taco (no, not THAT thing, the other thing!) and cram it up where only one man has gone before and even then not for a damn long time even when he WAS still around. I'm sure I imagined the rusty creaking sounds as I tried to shove something which was larger than anything previous (with the exception of various medical speculum's which, I believe, were constructed by the same person who designed the Montlake Drawbridge)into the Gaping Maw.

Now, you're supposed to roll the cup up, smuggle it past the border, let it expand, then turn it clockwise (or counter clockwise, or then one way and another, stopping when you hear the click, or something...) anyway, you're supposed to be able to turn this thing like a dial in there."If the cup does not turn easily, you did it wrong" Oh, of course, I'll just grasp hold of a thing about the size, shape, and slipperyness of the pointy end of a peeled hard-boiled egg, which is now buried in the meaty folds of my innermost femininity, which, I may add, are well-sluiced with the special effects from a Quentin Tarantino film, and spin that sucker like a dredel.

There is, also, a small stem at the base of this cup, which, being made of the same slippery silicon and about a centimeter long, is about as helpful as providing a live, untrained earthworm for a handle. More on this later.

So, rotate this thing in situ, to ensure a good 'seal' and a comfortable fit.

Does. Not. Happen.

Ladies (and gentlemen, although I hope for your sake none of you gentlemen are reading this), I tried. I hauled that thing in and out of there more times, and with much less joy, than Eeyore with his birthday present, and not once could I get that thing to "turn easily". I finally gave up, since it seemed, at one point, to be "fully inflated" and more or less in the right place. Frankly I think that having left my furrow unplowed for so long, I'm not exactly the proper degree of hotdog-hallway that the instruction-writer was intending to address, but so be it. Let's give this thing a whirl, if we can't give it a twist.

Fast forward a few hours in which I've done nothing much. To its credit, I don't feel the presence of THE CUP at all, no discomfort, not even a vague sense of "eugh" as I sometimes have when knowing all that stands between me and my khakis is a small cottony Dutch boy. In fact, I'm getting rather concerned that the Diva Cup has wormed its way in like some form of parasitic jellyfish and is now eagerly migrating up my fallopian tubes, with me all unknowing. Time to go fishing.

And that is where I discover that, while it's difficult to try and 'turn' a Diva Cup newly lodged in your sanctum sanctorum, it's a freakin' log-fall compared to trying to recover said Cup after it has gotten comfortably settled in the downy folds of your blood-engorged tissues. Yes, indeed, if cram my fingers up there to the point of pain, I can just, tantalizingly, tickle the end of that silicone 'stem'. Grasp it? Not in hell.

Of course the instructions say, if this happens, DO NOT PANIC. Well, thank god for that, because I was already running through the list of people I'd trust with a flashlight, a set of forceps, and an experience that would scar both of us for the rest of our lives. There were instructions for different positions, and "bearing down" and so forth, which I tried, to no avail, and I was pretty sure that my ham-fisted efforts (ahem) were just making things worse on the "swollen" front, so Diva and I took a break, and retired to our respective corners for an hour or so.

Now I brought out my secret weapon: Beer. If, gods help me, I ever have to have a baby, I intend to be drunk off my ass for the delivery, and I surely hope that the Fairy Prince Unicorn Elvis who is my chosen Babydaddy will provide a bedside IV of godly ambrosia, or at least Jim Beam. But anyway, two beers and I'm good to go spelunking in quest of the Holy Grail once more.

Either the beer, or the break, or the combination of all of these and squatting on the bathmat like a Neanderthal crapping, finally, produced enough of that  'stem' to grab (which was good, because I was dreading having use the kitchen tongs Up There or something) and, with a surprising amount of horrible suctioning "discomfort", the invader was routed! And, wonder of wonders, it was indeed partially filled. Not filled with DELICIOUS CANDY, no, but it did seem to have been, you know... -working-, before I so rudely dislodged it from its parasitic feeding. I felt a combination of grudging respect and intrigue, as one might upon meeting a foe worthy of their steel. Provided we could agree to disagree on the whole "turn 360 degrees in place" aspect, perhaps this could indeed be a workable partnership. Better than bleeding into the Rupununi and attracting every cayman, piranha, and candiru fish for fifty miles.

But not without some boundaries first. I tied a ROPE to that stupid stem this time.

Monday, August 20, 2012

I Never Expected This

My blog is now a month old. In some ways it seems like it has been longer, a lot longer. I've been thinking about how this whole thing started...

I started out just as a lurker in blogland. I lurked for at least 3 weeks before I finally got up enough courage to actually comment on a blog. I commented anonymously about 6 times on Clint's blog. It got easier every time. I decided to give myself a name and I thought about what to use for a few days. Cowgirl Up just seemed a good fit.  It has been a motto for me and my best advice. Not to mention, I AM a cowgirl. So, heck, why not just use that?

I started commenting with that name. Soon though, I wasn't happy just being the default avatar. I wanted to use an avatar of my own choosing. I had fun in my search, and finally came across this one that I really liked. I loved the horse and the sunset, plus it even looks a lot like me.  But, how to post using it? I'm not the most techno-savvy, so it actually took me a little time to figure the whole thing out.

Long story short, or at least shorter, I found that I could have my very own blog! It's free!  It would be so easy. I didn't need any special talent. There were plenty of designs and templates to chose from.  I started thinking that this could be fun.

I  had the intention of just trying it on for size. I thought I would just have a few posts with jokes and funny stories and that would probably be the end of it. I never intended to share anything very personal.  I never expected to share intimate moments or things that really mattered to me. I just wanted to have some fun!

I can't believe how quickly that changed. I actually was feeling a little bit guilty; here I was reading all these personal, real things on others' blogs and I was sharing nothing. My first real post, How Living "As If" Became The Real Thing, changed everything for me.

In writing that post, I realized how helpful this blogging thing could be. Writing about things, helped me clarify them in my own mind. It reminded me of having a diary when I was a little girl. My last post, about my experience not standing in the corner, was so very personal to me. Writing it was almost as emotional as living it. Even if not one single person had read that post, I'm glad I wrote it. It was extremely therapeutic. I guess that's why journaling is supposed to be so effective.

The other thing I never expected was that I would come to care about all these other people in blogland! People I've never met and probably never will meet or even talk to except on blogs or emails. I consider them my friends. I pray for them when they write about struggles in their lives. I laugh when I read about funny experiences they've had. I like reading about their families.  I am happy for them when I read about upcoming joyous events in their lives and I can't wait to read all about those too.

I never, ever expected anything like this to happen. I want to thank all of you who have joined my blog, commented on my blog, or just took the time to read a post or two. Many thanks also to all of you who added me to your blog roll. I appreciate it so much.

It has been fun, but it's been so much more than that!

Thursday, August 16, 2012

It Was Just A Matter Of Time

I knew it was inevitable that this day would come. I have been actively dreading it. I've often wondered just what I would do when the time came. I knew it was going to be a problem. A big one. That day finally came. Blue uttered those 5 dreaded words:

Go stand in the corner.

Such a dumb little thing led to this point. Blue had asked me for the second time to call the mortgage company. He wants to know about dropping the PMI, we are probably eligible to do that by now. Anyway, once again, I didn't exactly get around to calling. I meant to. I didn't forget. I was sidetracked by one thing or another. I lost track of time, and then it was too late to call.  I'll call them first thing in the morning before I do anything else, I thought. Maybe I'll get lucky and Blue won't think about it until tomorrow night.....

Nope, no such luck.After supper and all the chores were done, we settled down for a little TV.Blue looks over and asks me what the mortgage company said. I really hate having to tell him that I haven't called yet. I have to explain why I didn't get this one thing that he asked done.  Blue looks a little annoyed, but that's all. If this hadn't been the second time he's asked, this would have been the end of it. I know he's not just going to let it slide again without making a point of some kind.

He says the 5 dreaded words. The moment is surreal, and I just sit there looking at him. I feel myself flush. My mind is racing. I think about all the blogs I've read and all the women who routinely stand in the corner. While I haven't read that any of them exactly enjoy it, they don't seem to have a problem submitting to it. Why do I??

I am not special,  I shouldn't get a pass on this. If all those others can stand in the corner, I should be able to. I don't think I'm better than the ones who go stand in the corner when told to. In fact, I think maybe they are stronger than me. I'm not sure why I have such a major aversion to the whole idea of corner standing. But, I do.

Blue is watching me with interest.  He knows me well, and understands what he's asking isn't such a simple thing for me. Finally, I  stand on shaky legs and walk towards the nearest corner. I come within about 3 feet of it and stop.

I just stand there. I can't believe I'm making such a big deal out of this. I know if I stand in that corner, I will be somehow less in my own eyes. I will feel humiliated and shamed. Why this is, I can't say, but for me, it's true. Blue comes and stands beside me.

Could he physically put me in that question. Will he.....I doubt it. Am I actually going to resist if he does.......Yes. Yes, I am....

Would you rather get another spanking?

I consider this. Don't be crazy, I tell myself. Another punishment spanking is about the last thing I want right now. I finally answer Blue. Yes I would rather get a spanking.

Blue looks pretty surprised by this and he stands there studying me for several minutes. I don't look away and our eyes lock. I don't know what Blue sees in my eyes, but I know what I suddenly see in his. Compassion. He steps forward and takes me into his arms and I bury my head in his shoulder. This simple kindness accomplishes what no spanking ever has.
I cry.

Saturday, August 11, 2012

I Saw You today!

Blue and I have a little ritual when he gets home from work. Probably not much different than a lot of couples. I try to greet him at the door everyday with a big hug and kiss. We exchange a few words about how each of our days went.  Blue heads off to clean up, and I head to the kitchen.

Yesterday, after the usual greetings, Blue said, I saw you today.

Hmmmm, I was thinking of all the places I had been that day. The grocery store, the bank and I had to gas up the pickup, which gets notoriously bad mileage. Anyway, I sure hadn't seen Blue in any of those places. Really, I didn't see you. Where was this?

I saw you driving on the access road and the highway.   He's not smiling and I realize with a sinking feeling just where it was he saw me.

There's an access road that merges with the highway here that has a long "S" curve. The highway is raised and anyone driving on it can clearly see the traffic below. When you're going around those curves, if you go just a little bit faster than the posted speed, you can feel a little bit like a NASCAR driver. Even if you are driving a pickup!

Blue has warned me before about my driving and I usually watch my speed and am a great driver. Really. I flashback to this afternoon. I had the windows down, it was hot, but not a scorcher yet.  The wind was blowing my hair. One of my favorite Skynyrd tunes had just come on and it was cranked up nice and loud. It was just one of those moments when all is right with the world and I was feeling fine.

When I reached those "S" curves today, I went ahead and acted a little like Dale Junior, Foolish, I know. What's worse, once I merged onto the highway, I don't recall slowing down.

Oh geez, this would be the day Blue had to have seen me! Not one of those other days when I was driving like his Grandma!

Blue is standing there pinning me to the spot with his eyes. How, I wonder, does he all of a sudden look like he grew a few inches while I feel smaller somehow.

Looked like you were driving pretty fast.

Oh crap! What to say?  I should just fess up, we both know I'm totally busted. Maybe some kind of self preservation instinct kicked in, because what I said was,

I guess I may have been going a little faster than usual.

I should have just gone with a full confession and an apology. Blue's gaze becomes even harder.

No, it looked more like you were driving it like you stole it. I couldn't even catch up with you in the work truck.

 Blue looks pretty grim and has his lips pressed together. That's never a good sign. He has his eyes locked on mine, and I feel absolutely rooted to the spot I standing on. I feel my mouth go dry and wish I could start this whole day over. I’m having trouble meeting his gaze and feel the sudden need to look down and inspect the polish on my toes. I know what he's waiting for.

Okay, I admit I was driving too fast again. I'm sorry! It won't happen again. I know this isn't going to get me out of trouble, but it's true and I know he'll appreciate not hearing more excuses.

Yeah, I'm going to make sure it doesn't happen again. I guess the warnings I've given haven't made much of an impression on you.  We'll make sure that the next time you're driving on that road, you have something to remember. Go ahead to the bedroom and get ready. I'll be there after I clean up, and we'll take care of this right now.

He stands there until I turn around and head down the hall. It's a relief to get away from his steely gaze, at least for a few minutes. Blue is really angry with me, with good reason I have to admit. I've heard several others mention their "worst spanking ever", and I think the one I'm about to experience will be my worst ever.

Getting ready only consists of losing my Levi's. Now what? I hate the waiting and don't know what to do with myself. Sit, stand, pace. I do all three. Finally, I hear Blue's footsteps coming down the hall. It seems like I've been waiting a long time, but it's only been about 10 minutes.

He opens the door and I see he has his belt in hand.

Come here.

My long run of no punishment spankings comes to an abrupt end. I made it a one month and three days. A new record for me.

NASCAR? Not a fan!

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Blue....The Right Man For The Job

Okay, I'm tired of always writing "my husband", and you're probably tired of reading it.  My husband's nickname is Blue. I'll be calling him Blue here too. Long story there, maybe I'll share another day :)

I lurked on a lot of blogs for several months while I was learning and still deciding what I thought about DD. I always found the comments fascinating (still do), and I learned almost as much from the commentators as I did from the blog writers. I still like to lurk, but I also like to comment and have introduced myself, so to speak, on several of my favorite blogs. There are so many good ones, I'm going to have to be careful I don't get myself in trouble spending too much time trying to read them all, and maybe leaving a comment here and there. There have been a few close calls the past week!

Anyway, while I was reading some of the comments, I came across some that were a little disturbing. It seemed like the commentators were actually being abused, real abuse. No, I'm not talking about the consensual mutually enjoyed kind. 

I'm talking about real domestic violence. What they described in their comments didn't sound anything like DD, although that's what they were calling it. The goal of the discipline they received didn't seem to have anything to do with correcting a behavior and improving a relationship. There was no respect or love for her as a person and partner.  

To me, it sounded like their HoH's were using discipline as an excuse to take out their anger on them. Punishments were described that seemed so over the top it was worrisome. Some of them actually sounded life threatening. The women who wrote these comments sounded scared and lost. They were reaching out for help and advice, and my heart just broke for them. They were trying so hard to be "good", and in exchange they were being abused by the one person they trusted.

In my humble opinion, a womans' submission to her man is a precious gift. He should make every effort to be worthy of that gift, not use it as an excuse to treat her as something less than a human being.

When having a DD marriage was still just an idea, I was very comfortable with the thought of  Blue becoming my HoH. I knew without a doubt in my mind that he was worthy of my gift of submission. Blue is slow to anger and is always able to control himself, even when he's very, very angry.  In the face of some of my worst meltdowns and hormonally driven craziness, he keeps his cool.

My trust hasn't been misplaced, he has proven himself to be the perfect man to lead me. He's fair in his use of punishments. I have to admit I've never received a spanking that I didn't earn. I know that I'm safe even in the midst of a painful spanking, I feel his love for me even then. I have no fear of  Blue, but I do respect him. I am blessed.

Friday, August 3, 2012

Save A Horse, Ride A .....Bull?

I bet you would never in a million years guess where I'm going tomorrow. Go ahead, give it a shot.....

No, not the opera, nice try.

Would you believe I'm going to a rodeo. Yes, really! Hard to imagine I know.

It's going to be such a fun day! The downside is getting up at the crack of dawn to drive there. I'm not exactly a morning person. Oh well....the upside is:

Lots of things to see

Fun games to play

Bull poker anyone?

Maybe riding one is more fun!

Gotta love those rodeo clowns

They'll always come to the rescue!

Maybe a little rope action..

Oh yeah, cowgirls are right there too!

No, that isn't me, and no, I'm going as a spectator only! Have a wonderful weekend everyone.