Monday, July 30, 2012

More Things Not to Do While OTK...

I was reading Pooky's blog  last week and noticed in the sidebar a list of things not to do while OTK. The things she came up with had me smiling for the rest of my day.

I thought it might be fun to see if I could come up with any of my own. I did manage to come up with a few. Hope you enjoy.

Use of any of these may result in an extended spanking session
An additional spanking session or both
Use at your own risk!

Ask if he sees any improvement "back there" from your new Buns of Steel workout routine...

Offer to go get the nail clippers and take care of that "toenail thing he's got going on"...

Ask if you can use one of your lifelines...

Ask how long this is going to take, you have a long "to-do" list today...

Tell him he might want to renew that gym membership...

Ask him if this position "makes your butt look fat?"...

Tickle his feet...

Show him you're really getting into the spirit of things by "keeping the beat with your feet."...

Catch up on your blog reading...

Friday, July 27, 2012

Questions For You

My friend Molly Rose at  Creating Us has a new post with questions designed to try and get to know everyone a little better. I thought it might be fun to participate, so here are my answers.  Head on over to her blog and check it out if you want to join in.

1. How did you very first learn about DD, and what was your initial reaction to the concept?

 I  came across it on the Internet one day. I had no idea anything like it existed. I was horrified and hooked by it at the same time.

2. Share one of your all-time favorite DD memories of you and your partner.

One day while my husband and I were having a discussion about what to do about this certain problem we were having, I had a solution that I thought would work, although it was a little risky. He flat out said "NO". I really, really, wanted to do it anyway. I probably could have without him knowing, at least for a while. The temptation was great.

I ended up NOT doing what I wanted. Before DD that story would have had a whole different outcome. That's when I realized how well this was working.

By the way, my husband was right. If I had done what I wanted, a whole new problem would have been created.

3. What is one aspect of DD that you feel your partner has always handled very well?

I really admire the way my husband can keep his cool when I'm at my worst. Even when he's really angry with me, he is fair and just.

4. If you had to pick one person in your life to tell that you practice DD, who would you tell?

I would, and probably will, tell my best friend. She is very open minded and nonjudgmental. Just one of the many things I love about her. I know she would support me, even if she didn't personally agree.

5. What is one thing you wish you had known when you started DD?

That it's 24/7 ! I didn't really think about those days when you're just tired and grumpy, maybe a little PMS going on too, and the last thing you want to do is speak and act respectfully to anyone. Or follow any rules.  It's a lot harder on those days, and that's when I usually will  get in trouble. I am getting better though.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

I Think I Might Cry...

I really want to cry. I guess that sounds a little bizarre. I have read so many stories from so many different women who cry during a spanking. They describe what a wonderful release of emotion it is for them, how it brings them such peace of mind. They believe it brings them even closer to their HoH during and after the spanking, and that the whole comforting process is enhanced by crying.  I understand that many HoH's judge the effectiveness of their spanking efforts on the flow of tears. I have to admit I'm a little jealous not to have experienced this for myself...yet.

From a pretty young age, I've felt I needed to be strong and tough. To me, showing emotion was showing weakness. If I had to cry, it was always done as privately as possible. Those times when I cried in front of anyone, I felt ashamed. Yeah, I had some issues. Like a lot of people, I had some really traumatic events while growing up. Not showing any weakness, like tears, was how I survived. I built some pretty strong walls around the real me to keep myself safe. The days when I needed those walls are long gone though, and I have worked pretty hard tearing those walls down. I am so much better about sharing how I really feel with the people I am close to. Just sharing this much with you would have been impossible for me not so many years ago.

The last time I got a punishment spanking, I knew hours in advance it was coming. I had one of those "OH CRAP, what have I done", goof ups. I knew my husband was going to be very upset with me when he got home. Getting a spanking, and a significant one at that, was a given. I was having trouble thinking of anything else, but was trying to distract myself with a good workout.

As I worked out, I was on autopilot. Just going through the familiar motions. I realized after a while what I was doing subconsciously. I was building up those walls to hide behind again. I was psyching myself up to get through that impending spanking. I was telling myself to not show any fear and be strong. I realized, this is what I have been doing for every single spanking. My husband is able to get me to talk during a spanking, but he's never been able to get me to cry. For me, it had nothing to do with physical pain. His spankings were certainly hard enough for that.

When I understood what I had been doing by building those walls, I stopped and started trying to tear then back down. It was working pretty well because I started to feel very vulnerable and kind of afraid. Almost on the verge of tears! Wow, what a major breakthrough! I managed to keep those walls down for several hours. I really tried to keep them down for the spanking, but I just couldn't. At least I know what's going on with me now, and maybe next time, I will be able to cry. I think it's a real possibility.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

I'm Not Gonna Make A Sound....Until I Have To...

When we first started spanking, I was determined to be totally quiet and get through a spanking like a "tough girl".  It was almost a point of pride or something. I also secretly didn't want to give him the satisfaction of hearing that he was having an effect on me.

Seems a little strange really, I mean we are on the same team here. We both want the same outcome from a spanking after all. Why was I acting as if he was the enemy? Maybe someday I'll figure that one out.

At first, my husband was taking it easy on me. He was afraid of hurting me and of course, like most boys,  his parents had taught him that you don't hit girls. It takes time to get past that and realize that consensual spanking is not the same thing at all. He was not abusing me or hitting me in the way his parents had raised him not to.

His second spanking was much harder than the first. The third one was downright painful and seemed to last a long time! He was really getting the hang of this! I wondered a few times, if maybe I had made a mistake with this whole lifestyle. That was only while I was OTK though. I bet you already knew that.

Now, I still want to remain silent, but I just can't do it anymore. He is just too good at spanking and he knows just how far to take it. 

It goes something like this:

swats commence,

on and on and on....

me: ow    OW    OW   OW

me: That  REALLY  HURTS!

him: It's a spanking, it's supposed to hurt.

An eternity later,

me: okay   OKAY   OKAY!

swats continue,

him: Okay, what?

me: Okay, SIR?

swats continue,

him: Thanks.

me: Okay, I'm SORRY!

swats continue,

him: I'm glad you're sorry.

swats continue,

me: stop  STOP   STOP

swats continue,

him: I'm not finished. You need a few more.

swats continue,

I'm not talking anymore, but that doesn't mean I'm quiet.

swats continue,

A lifetime later,

Swats stop.

Lesson learned....

Saturday, July 21, 2012

How Living "As If" Became The Real Thing...

Okay, I guess it's time to get a little bit serious and share something about myself and my marriage. I've been married long enough that my husband and I really know each other in a way that no one else on the planet ever will. I feel very lucky to have married such a good and decent man. I'm not sure what I ever did to deserve him, but I thank God everyday that he's in my life. He is one of those people who really would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it. He's a wonderful father and an even better husband to me, as well as being my best friend. I automatically feel safe just because he walked into the room.

Before I start sounding too pollyanna and sweet, I have to say we have had our problems just like any other couple. Some serious and some mostly just annoyances I guess you could call it. You can't live with another human being and not have some problems and friction at times. Although, we had a good relationship, I felt there was some room to grow as a couple, maybe challenge each other to be better people. Treat each other with a little more respect and grow even closer.

I came across the whole concept of Domestic Discipline one day, and I have to say, I was equally horrified and fascinated at the same time. I found myself going back time after  time to read more about it. It was mostly Clint's blog that I visited, but there were a few others too. I literally spent hours reading DD blogs. In a shockingly short amount of time, I starting thinking that maybe this wasn't so crazy after all. It actually started making a lot of sense to me.  I read over and over about how much it improved relationships. The testimonials were very consistent and there were lots of them!

I got to thinking that this is something I would really like to try, but there's no way my husband would go along with this. In fact, I couldn't even bring myself to talk about it with him for fear he would think I was a little crazy. I'm sure you guys know what I mean. This lifestyle is just not considered to be "normal" by most people. So, what to do?

I came across an idea from a few different blogs, although the main one to give me the idea was one called Taken In Hand. Anyway, the idea was to just start living "as if" I already had a DD marriage. To pretend! Okay, I can do this and see what happens.

I immediately started changing the way I spoke to my husband. I tried very hard to speak  softly and with respect. Not that I was so bad before, but there were times I was downright rude and I tend to be a control freak. I showed him I valued his opinions by asking him his advice on things and then I actually followed his advice! When he asked me where I wanted to eat, I asked him to pick the restaurant. I handed him the remote when he got home. I asked him before making any significant purchases. I quickly apologized when I should have instead of being defensive like I usually was. I would get off the phone with my friend when he walked in the door instead of continuing to talk. I made him the number one priority in my life. Everyday in as many ways as I could think of, I lived "as if".

Wow, it made a huge difference! You better believe he noticed the changes, and he loved them!
We grew so much closer, our communication went through the roof, our sex life was amazing. In short, our marriage was literally transformed. 

You may be thinking it was all one sided. Of course he would be happy, he gets everything his way now, right? The really interesting thing is that he changed too. He became an even better man! The more I stepped back, the more he stepped forward. The more respectfully I treated him, the more respectfully he treated me. The more I asked his opinion, the more he took the time to think and give a carefully considered answer. The more I treated him like he was a VIP in my life, the more he treated me as one in his.

So now, it was time to "bite the bullet" and tell him about Domestic Discipline. One night, when the time seemed right, I brought up the subject of our improved relationship. He agreed that things were much better. Then I told him about DD and how I had been living it. He gave me his undivided attention and asked several questions and seemed pretty open to the idea. Until, that is, I got to the inevitable part about punishments. He got pretty uncomfortable at that point and seemed a little freaked out, so I let the subject drop. I could tell though, that he was thinking about it. I just let it ride for a week or so and then brought it up again. He had more questions that showed me he had indeed put a lot of thought into it. He was still reluctant though.

A few weeks later, on a day I was feeling a little grumpy and out of sorts, I had a bit of a meltdown. I won't go into details, but I was very rude and disrespectful to him. We were in a public place no less. The look of surprise and hurt on his face stayed with me, even after he accepted my apology. It had taken me a little while to cool down and apologize, even though I knew I was in the wrong. He gracefully accepted that apology, but things just weren't the same. I felt guilty and ashamed and I think he was hanging on to some resentment too.

So now, it was time to "bite the bullet" once again. I came right out and asked him to give me a spanking. I explained why I thought it would help both of us. He was very reluctant, and I asked again. Finally, he did it. It was fairly tentative and light, (and that's a whole different story), but it did the job. He saw that nothing bad happened, I was okay. He was okay. Everything was okay. Better than okay really. I felt the burden of guilt and remorse I had been carrying was gone. It was like the slate had been wiped clean and we were back to where we were before. We both learned a lot that day!  

I have had several spankings since that day, and I have to say my husband has become very good at it. He is no longer tentative or light. He gets the point across very effectively.

We still have a lot to learn and lots of growing to do in this new lifestyle. I do believe it's the best change we ever could have made.

Sorry this became such a novel, thank you for listening to my story.
It's Saturday Date Night!


Friday, July 20, 2012

You  Might Be A Domestic Discipline Couple If:

The IRS and income taxes are the second thing you think of when you hear the term "Head of Household"...

The term "in the red" has nothing to do with your budget, but does concern your bottom line...

Your husband invites you to join him in the bedroom in the middle of  the day and it's not because he's feeling frisky...

You start thinking that those willow trees are evil...

You recognize that look he gives you and actually stop what you're doing...

The word "maintenance" no longer makes you think of your car or the house...

While watching shows like Bridezillas, all you're thinking about is how much that girl needs a spanking...

You prefer to stand, thank you...

You cringe, just a little, when you hear him rummaging around in the kitchen utensil drawer...

Sometimes, you'd really rather he walked in front of you instead of behind, he doesn't always have to be a perfect gentleman does he...

Just because he's holding your hand doesn't mean he's feeling affectionate...

Thursday, July 19, 2012

                                      Somedays, it's just too hot to get off the porch...

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Surefire Ways To Get Myself In Trouble:

Wave at him..using only one finger....

Consider the speed limit a guideline for all those other people who can't drive...

Make full use of the 30% off coupon my favorite clothing store sent me...

Roll my eyes at him while saying something along the lines of "Seriously?!" ...

Forget that he has superhuman hearing when I mutter, but is otherwise hard of hearing...

A woman is a person who, if she says to a man, "Never mind, I'll do it myself," and he lets her, and she gets mad, and he says, "Now what are you mad about?" says, "If you don't know I'm not going to tell you."

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

The eastern lady who was all ready to take a horseback ride said to the cowboy, "Can you get me a nice gentle pony?" "Shore," said the cowboy. "What kind of a saddle do you want, English or western?" "What's the difference?" asked the lady. "The western saddle has a horn on it," said the cowboy. "If the traffic is so thick here in the mountains that I need a horn on my saddle, I don't believe I want to ride."