Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Good-bye.....for a while.

Hey, everyone. I apologize for just disappearing for days. I have missed all of you, and while I may not have had the time to read your posts and comment as I usually do, it isn't because I don't care. I certainly haven't lost interest either.

It was an email from fellow blogger and friend,  Wilma at Barney Married Wilma,  that made me realize it was about time I wrote this post, much as I don't want to.  Wilma is a new blogger, and if you haven't been by yet, I highly recommend you visit her blog.

So much can change in just a few days. Since my last post, a very close family member of Blue's has been diagnosed with a terminal illness.  It has been devastating and life changing for all involved. Besides the emotional toll, there are practicalities to be dealt with. Blue and I will be heavily involved in both for.......well, I don't know how long. It may even involve a move out of state for us in the near future.

As much as it hurts me to say this.......I'm going to have to put blogging on hold. I just don't have the time. I hope you understand, it's isn't because I don't want to. I can honestly say that I love many of you and I will miss you more than you'll ever know. I will visit you on your blogs when I can. I'm leaving my blog up to use it for the links to yours. And, who knows, maybe I can even post now and then.

I wish every one of you great health, love and happiness in all you do. Big hugs to everyone, I love you guys...........

Friday, October 5, 2012

HoH Appreciation Day?

We all know how hard it is to be the submissive partner in a DD/TTWD relationship. Submitting is not for sissies.  On good days,  it's relatively easy. Especially when we agree. Those days are so smooth and easy. We just blend together seamlessly, we truly are one. DD just feels so right.

It gets to be a true challenge when we don't agree. Those days we don't agree on the course of action we should take for an ordinary day-to-day issue we're faced with. Then there are those days we don't agree on a much larger issue.  Sometimes, we just aren't feeling it, and don't want to submit. For whatever reason. 

I think most of us would also agree that taking a painful spanking can be truly challenging as well. It may look like the spanker is doing all the work and the spankee only has to lay there. We know better. It's not easy to maintain your position. Not easy to resist your natural instinct to get away, or failing that, protect yourself and fight back. I grew up with the idea that if someone hit me, I had to hit them back.  It was a matter of honor :) 

With that said, what about the view from the other side........

What about the challenges from the HoH's point of view. I mean, we really do ask a lot of them. They have undertaken a huge responsibility. We expect them to be fair. We expect them to know, instinctively, what we need. We expect them to selflessly guide us. We expect them to help us meet our goals. To provide motivation when necessary. To provide maintenance to remind us of our roles. To carry out a punishment spanking, even when it's the last thing they want to do.  I'm still haunted by the pain I saw in Blue's eyes as he carried out a third and then a fourth punishment spanking. I saw his pain, but I also saw his determination. And his love.

I think most DD/TTWD lifestyles are started by the future submissive. We spend weeks or even months educating ourselves on this life and then we present our case to the HoH to be. Some agree to try DD with great reluctance and others seem downright eager to try it on for size. Given time the HoH settles comfortably into his new role. He gains more confidence with every passing day. Finally, inevitably, the day comes when he makes an unpopular decision or gives a spanking that is considered unfair. Then what?

A trial by fire. I know when I first seriously disagreed with Blue regarding a punishment, I reluctantly submitted. But then, I set about making his life miserable as repayment. I've learned a few things since then, and I've grown. I doubt that I would ever behave like that again. Still, I gave him hell. Literally.

What do the HoH's get in return?  A better relationship, sure! A better sex life, you bet! The benefits are too numerous to list. They would make an entire post. I  know several bloggers have done just that too.  Do all the benefits outweigh all the many responsibilities? 

Blue sure seems to be a happy man. He says he's just doing the job a man should do anyway. I know it all feels so right to me.  I have to believe Blue is being honest when he says DD is worth every hardship and bump in the road we've both experienced. And there have been many. I believe there will be many more.  I think we'll both rise to the occasion.

If you look at the calendar, there is no HoH appreciation day. I think there should be! I'm going to spend tomorrow showing Blue how much I appreciate him.  How grateful I am that he took on this role. Especially for sticking it out when I made it sooooo hard!

Have you hugged your HoH/DH/Top/Dom today?

Friday, September 28, 2012

Afternoon Delight

Finally, it's cooled off a little around here. You can actually spend some time outdoors without frying your brains and boiling your eyeballs. One day last week, Blue and I took advantage of a mild afternoon to try and catch up on some much needed yard work. Not that there was too much grass to cut anyway, the intense heat of summer and the draught has pretty much destroyed the landscaping. Weeds though, those suckers could survive Armageddon I guess. There's always trash blowing in that needs to be picked up, and the bushes sure could use a good trimming.

Blue was busy out front making some serious headway on those pesky weeds. I went to the shed to get the pruning shears. They hadn't been returned to their usual spot and I had to rummage around for them a little. I found the shears, but in the process, I came across something else. Something that had me thinking all kinds of wicked thoughts!

It was a super soaker!  An old one that belonged to our son. He and his friends had many water battles in this very yard. If you've never seen a super soaker, think a water gun on steroids. They are much bigger and they use pressurized air to shoot the water out much harder and farther than you ever could with a regular water gun. You could get someone soaking wet from about 20 feet away. I looked it over, searching for cracks or obvious damage. It looked in good shape. I guess it had been pretty protected here in the dark shed. I was thinking I should at least see if it still worked, I mean, what's the harm in that?

After a quick peek around the corner to see if Blue was still occupied, and indeed he was,  I hurried over to the hose to fill the gun. No leaks, yay!  I pumped it up to pressurize it and let loose an experimental stream.  Yep, it's working just fine!  Do I dare??

Oh, h***  yeah!  How could any self respecting cowgirl pass up such a golden opportunity to get some revenge have a little fun! I peeked around the corner of the house. Blue was about 40 feet away with his back to me still pulling weeds. I started walking slowly towards him. I just needed to get within about 15-20 feet before he noticed me. If  I could get that close, Blue was guaranteed a good soaking!

Blue was really intent on his job and I was able to sneak up on him, no problem. I held the super soaker at the ready, just waiting for the perfect moment. I had a hard time not giggling, but I managed somehow. Finally, Blue started to rise and turn around. No doubt, wondering where I was.

I waited until he turned and faced me, his eyes widened when he spotted me and saw what I held at the ready in my hands. He started to say something, I didn't wait to hear it. I pulled the trigger and blasted him for all I was worth. Blue was drenched in short order, they don't call it super soaker for nothing!  He ducked behind the nearest bush, sputtering and cussing. I pursued him laughing hysterically. I knew there would be hell to pay, but I was having way too much fun to be concerned about that!

Much too soon, the powerful stream of water became a weak drizzle. Uh oh! Blue noticed the drenching had slowed and started towards me with an evil smile. I tossed the soaker aside with a shriek and ran for my life! I heard Blue's pounding footsteps closing the gap between us and desperately tried to pick up my pace. I would have been able to run a least a little faster if I could have managed to stop laughing.

I managed to make it to the corner of the house before I was grabbed around the middle, swung around and lifted off my feet. Blue held me against his dripping wet shirt and laughed while I struggled to get free. He headed to the outdoor faucet with me in tow. The faucet with the garden hose attached.......He turned it on full blast!  He held me kicking and screaming and laughing while he reeled in the hose. The closer the hose end got, the harder I fought to get away. The hose end that was streaming cold water. Blue asked if I really thought I would get away with my little prank. Nobody gets me wet without paying, he said.

Finally,  the hose end reached Blue's other hand and I took my inevitable cold shower with much shrieking and complaining. Of course, in all the struggle, Blue got another good soaking right along with me. :)

Eventually, we picked ourselves up and headed to the house to change into some dry clothes. Turned out, we needed more than a change of clothes. Our arms and legs were speckled with dirt and bits of leaves and dead grass. I ran a nice warm shower and stepped in to rinse off.

Blue joined me in the shower, as I knew he would. He insisted that since I was the one who caused him to get dirty, I had to clean up my mess. I happily complied. After a little playful soapy fun, Blue turned me around to face the back wall of the shower. He took my hands and placed them on the wall near my head. The pose reminded me of the position you would assume for a cop to frisk you. Not that I have personal experience with that, but hey I do like to watch Cops.

Blue admonished me to keep my hands on the wall. He whispered in my ear, did you really think all you were going to get was a cold shower? Suddenly, Blue began spanking me with his hand. Hard and fast. It was very loud on wet skin and it really stung for the same reason. I've heard a little about wet spanking, but had never experienced one for myself. I gasped and half turned, but still kept my hands on the wall.  Blue turned me back around and gave me several more hard swats as my reward for moving out of position. This time, I managed to both keep my hands on the wall and stand still. Blue was apparently satisfied by this and by the degree of redness he produced on my behind. The swats stopped and Blue found other, more fun uses for those big rough hands of his!

Guess the yard maintenance can wait for another day...........

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

The Good The Bad And The Ugly....Part Two

In my last post, I talked about my initial reaction to being grounded from blogland. It wasn't pretty. I challenged Blue's role as an HoH. My own commitment to DD and ability to submit, even especially when I don't want to, was sorely tested as well. The good part is, we both passed the test and came out of it much stronger.  Stronger in DD and stronger as a couple.

I ended my last post with me waiting for Blue to finish with our second spanking of the day. I was feeling ashamed of myself for making this so hard for both of us. Especially hard for Blue. He was so determined to do what had to be done, but it was equally hard for him to do it! Regular readers may remember Blue saying that he hates to really hurt me. He wasn't kidding. Punishment spankings have always been a hard thing for him. The results are what gives him the strength to get through them.  This spanking was no exception, and he finished what I had walked away from earlier.

By the next day, I was feeling back to my old self. Gone were the grumpies and I didn't feel any desire to needle Blue or be bratty. In the back of my mind, though I was thinking about that other spanking. The one I earned by walking away from that second spanking. The one he had told me I would be getting today. I really didn't want another one!  I had already had three. The initial one that Friday and those two on Saturday. They were all real punishment spankings, and they were all with the belt. My poor butt was already too sore to sit down without pain. Maybe he'll forget or change his mind! 

We enjoyed a leisurely breakfast and the Sunday paper. I was engrossed in the latest book reviews when I felt Blue's intent gaze. I looked over to find him studying me.

I know you remember what I said yesterday. Let's get it over with and enjoy the rest of the day. I'll meet you there in a few minutes.

You really don't have to do that, Blue! I'm sorry that I walked away like that. I did go back didn't I? Wasn't that good enough!

Yes, that was good enough. I'm proud of you for doing that. That's not what this is about. You have to know that when I say you're getting a spanking, that's just what's going to happen. Please, don't make this any harder than it already is. Go. Now.

The last thing I want is a repeat of yesterday. I reluctantly went to our bedroom and undressed. The waiting again! I hate it! Mercifully, Blue is there in just a few minutes. He gestures for me to bend over the bed once again. I do and so it begins. Again. I'm not expecting Blue to go easy and he doesn't. This fourth spanking is just as intense as the other three.  I feel intense pain, but more than that. I realize in sheer disbelieve that I'm crying! I've never been able to cry during a spanking before. I always wanted to, it was a goal I had all but given up on. Suddenly, it's like a dam has given way and I'm sobbing uncontrollably. I'm shaking with the force of my tears. It's such a blessed relief. It's not about the pain, although I guess that was the trigger.  All those walls I spent years building up to protect that child I used to be came tumbling down. For good I think, I hope.  Blue is so shocked he stops and throws the belt down to gather me in his arms. I soak his shirt all the way through while he holds me tight. We lay together on the bed for a long, long time. I can't believe how I feel. Cleansed. Whole. Safe. Grateful. Madly in love with Blue.

The rest of my grounding from blogland was much easier and much less dramatic! Still, I really did miss everyone here. I don't think it would be an exaggeration to say I had real withdrawal symptoms. I smoked for years and it was pure torture to give cigarettes up.  I used to guzzle Diet Coke all day every day, and when I quit, it was the second hardest thing to give up next to cigarettes. My addiction to blogland wasn't quite so severe, but it ranked up there somewhere. Good thing Blue took me in hand when he did, a few more weeks and I may have been a hopeless addict, lol!

I got caught up on the little things that had been neglected. I reconnected with a really good friend. I got back into my workout routine. It is a little disheartening how quickly I lost endurance. I'll get it back though. I had a girls day out with several friends that included lunch and shopping. Blue came home to a clean orderly house and hot home cooked meals. I even managed to make some really good desserts....Yes, Blue is once again a happy camper. And, so am I.

I think I have regained some perspective. No matter how good the posts, no matter how fascinating the stories, blogland is not my priority. Not even close.  No blog, including my own will be more important than what I have here with Blue and taking care of my home and yes, even myself. I also have a part time business that will require lots more attention in the coming months.

I've made a little sign out of Bonnie's advice and posted it by my computer. I can't help but see it every time I sit down here. It simply says "Make your blog fit your life. Don't make your life fit your blog." 

A hard lesson learned, but maybe that's the best way to learn one?  Blue has not given me any restrictions as far as how much time I can spend here. He has no desire, or time, to micro-manage me. I'm free to spend as much time here as I want. With one BIG condition. Everything has to get done and get done right. Just like it was while I was grounded. Just like it used to be. If I can't manage that, right back to bending over the bed I go, followed by blogland being off limits again. I'm pretty sure it will be longer than a week next time. 

Several bloggers commented that they give themselves time away from blogland on a regular basis. I think that's pretty smart, and I 'm going to do the same now and then. If I find myself coming down with a case of blog fever again, I plan on walking away for a day or two. Way better to police myself than have Blue do it!

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

The Good The Bad And The Ugly... Part One

So, I was all set to publish my first post since my grounding from blogland. I wrote a nice, happy cheerful post about how beneficial my time off was and how I got my priorities straight, yada, yada, yada.  All true, but.....that's not the whole story. That's the second half of the story.

Because, before all that good stuff, there was some growing to do. On both our parts. I would like to say that I took my grounding with submissive good grace. But, I didn't. Not even close. I was pissed! Not so much because of missing blogland itself, although, I certainly did miss it and all my blogging friends/family. It was more the principle of the thing. I mean grounded...really! I haven't been grounded from anything by anyone since I was about what, 15?  Being grounded rankled.

When Blue came home that Friday night, I was still doing chores. Chores that should have been done earlier in the day. I hadn't even started on the evening meal. This wasn't the first time either, and I had no good excuse. Blue asked what I had been doing all day.  When Blue asks me a direct question, I just can't lie. DD or no DD, I'm just not capable of lying to him. He asked how much time I had spent on the internet. I told him, no choice. His eyes narrowed and his lips pressed together in that way they do when he's upset.

There's no doubt that this time, I will be spanked for my lack of time management. He has me wait in the bedroom while he cleans up.  I really hate the waiting part, but finally, after a few hours, (no, more like 15 minutes) Blue appears in the doorway. With his belt. Sigh, so it's going to be one of those. He gestures for me to bend over the bed, which I do. He starts slow and easy while telling me how disappointed he is that I can't manage my time any better than that. He asks what I need to change, do I need him to make me a schedule. He has been progressively getting harder with his swats during all this talking. I have managed to answer pretty intelligently for several of his questions, but now I'm not really capable of that. It's all I can do to maintain my position without either putting my hand back or sidling away out of the strike zone. Holy s**t, that belt hurts!  I grit my teeth and ride it out! Finally, Blue stops and steps back. I stand and turn around to face him. He pulls me into his arms and soothes me for several minutes. We sit down (ouch), to talk about blogland and my obsession with it. He breaks the news that besides the spanking I just had, I'm also grounded from blogland for a week!

At least, the next morning, Saturday, Blue allowed me a few minutes to say goodbye to you guys. I didn't want to just disappear, and he understood that. I hurriedly wrote that post about being grounded and then signed off.

I'm not so proud of my behavior during the next few days. I was a brat. Literally. I got under Blue's skin in a thousand different ways. I was grumpy. I was irritable. I was sarcastic. I was rude. Blue's resolve as a HoH was sorely tested. He stood fast. He stayed cool, calm and collected and didn't back down an inch. He spanked me twice that first day. I earned both of them. I needed both of them.  I had trouble submitting to the second one. I was still feeling bratty. I know you're probably thinking, wow, what an idiot! You would be right.

Anyway, so there I was bending over the bed for the second time in one day, when I just basically stood up and walked away!  It wasn't because of the pain, although, I assure you it was plenty painful. A spanking on an already red burning butt is seriously not fun! I do not recommend it. I'm still not exactly sure what came over me, I just decided I'd had enough. Enough spanking and maybe even enough of DD. I have never once felt that way before. A stunned Blue watches me walk away. I go into the living room and sit on the couch.

Blue is there standing over me in seconds.

We're not finished. I suggest you get yourself back in there. You've just earned yourself another spanking tomorrow. But now, we're going to finish what we started today. One way or another, we're going to finish this!

For the first time in over 20 years, I'm a little bit afraid of Blue. The feeling shocks me all the way down to my toes. Looking up at him in shock, I see he is fully prepared to toss me over his shoulder and carry me back to the bedroom if it comes to it. Looking more closely, I see he's just as distressed as I am.  Suddenly, I feel ashamed. What am I doing to him, to us?

In this moment, DD is more real than it ever has been. We have been living the life for 6 months now, but it's never been THIS real. I have a choice to make here. I can say the words "I don't want to live in DD anymore."  Or, I can submit. This isn't a game. It's real. Am I in or not. I can't have it both ways. I can't only submit when I feel like it. I can't only submit when I agree with Blue. I have to submit all the time. Even when it's the very last thing I want to do.

I stand up and silently make my way back to our bedroom and bend over the bed.  I wait for Blue to come and finish what we started.

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Put In Time Out

Well, it's no big surprise. I blew it again yesterday.  I have been a little too obsessed with blogland a little too much for weeks now. Chores have gone undone. Errands have gone unrun. Phone calls have gone unmade. Meals have been from the freezer a few times too many.

Blue has certainly noticed, and I've had a few warning looks and comments. I don't know why I haven't been able to control myself any better. That's really not like me at all. My self control is normally pretty iron clad. I have been truly obsessed with blog reading. I sit down here meaning to only read a few posts, and before I know it, hours have gone by.

Blue has been patient, but his patience reached an end yesterday. I got spanked, and I'm also grounded from blogland for a week.

Honestly, I think the break will be healthy. I could use some time to reevaluate my priorities. Bonnie at My Bottom Smarts, sorry I don't have time to link to her, has a great post with advice to new bloggers. One of the things she said, was to make your blog fit your life. Not the other way around. Makes perfect sense, too bad I didn't take heed.

Take care, my good friends and "family." I'll miss you!

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Would It Still Work?

On my post, a Word From Blue,  Lillie asked a question in the comment section that has been on my mind every since. She asked Blue if he thought DD could work without the physical element. In other words, do you really have to spank?  I am referring to real punishment spankings, not the more fun kind.......:)

I realize that the second "D" stands for discipline, but does it really have to be physical? There are lots of options. Writing lines, loss of privileges, grounding, etc...

Blue thinks it is possible for some people to have a successful DD style relationship without spanking. He was thinking of his own parents. While he was growing up, there was no doubt at all who The Boss of the household was. What his dad said went, no questions asked. Blue and his siblings were expected to "mind" him or suffer the consequences. That included getting a whipping, as he called it. His dad also believed in being sent to your room and being grounded. Blue's mom also submitted to her husband's authority.  Blue can't think of a single time his mom went against what his dad said. His dad was/is a very strong HoH, yet I'm sure if I called him one, he would not have a clue what I meant by it. I'm also quite confident that Blue's dad has never spanked his mom. It's so unlikely, I can't seriously consider the possibility. Blue's parents have already celebrated their 50th anniversary.

I know in the beginning of our DD journey, before Blue ever spanked me, my change in behavior had a huge beneficial effect on our relationship. Could I have kept it up without any other incentive? Namely, to save my butt from feeling the fire.....Honestly, I don't know. I think I could have and would have to some extent, but.....I guess my own opinion is mixed. Yes, I think it could still work for us without punishment spanking, just not nearly as well!

What do you think?  Could/Would you still be submissive without punishment spanking? Is it optional or a must have for your relationship?

Thursday, August 30, 2012

It Was A Dark And Stormy Night....

I live in tornado country. It's not uncommon to have so many tornado warnings issued on the radio and TV that you can't even begin to watch anything without so many cut ins, you may as well just turn it off.  I've seen a few tornadoes, luckily from a safe enough distance. They are awe inspiring in their terrible beauty. It's a sight and sound never forgotten.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it, we haven't had to deal with many storms the past few years due to a terrible draught that I know is effecting a large part of the country. We would love to have rain, we pray for rain, but without the damaging storms that often accompany it.

One day last week, you could just tell it was going to be stormy later that afternoon. It was so hot, but it was so humid too. I could see the storms building to the west, the clouds getting tall and dark. The weather guys started with the watches. Then, the warnings began to be issued. Still to our west, but getting closer by the hour.

I carried on with my usual chores. I made one of Blue's favorite pasta dishes and had it warming in the oven. I had the table set and was hoping that Blue would get home before the storm hit. The thunderstorm warning now included our county and it was going to start very soon. Luckily, no tornadoes were expected, although the wind was to be near hurricane force with small hail and torrential rain.

Blue finally arrived, and I kid you not, he just barely made it in the door before the wind slammed the house and the rain came down in sheets. We could hear hail so hard on the windows, I was afraid they might break. As Blue was taking off his work boots, the electricity went out. It was completely dark except for the flashes of lightning. Without the noise of the TV, we could hear the storm raging even more than before.

Blue and I stumbled around rounding up candles and a few flashlights.  Of course, I had trouble finding flashlights that actually worked. Someone really should check them now and then for just such an occasion!  Blue takes a battery operated lantern with him to go clean up while I light the candles on the dining room table. Hey, this is starting to look cozy and romantic.

We sit down in the flickering light to eat our pasta while the lightning flashes and the rain slides down the window. At least, the hail was brief and there probably isn't much damage. Without any distractions from TV, radio, phone or Internet, we find ourselves really focusing on each other. Blue tells me a few funny stories about his day, and I tell him about this stray cat that's been hanging around. Soon though, we find ourselves talking less, and looking at each other more. Finally, we fall silent and just sit looking. It's beyond romantic with the storm outside, the candles inside...Blue gives me that wicked grin that I love and that makes me weak in the knees.

So, what's for dessert?  He asks.

Oh, I'm liking the direction this is going!  I hope the power stays off for a good long time.

Whatever you want.  I answer with a wicked grin of my own.

Blue stands and comes around the table to take my hand and pull me to my feet. We grab a few candles on the way to the den. I'm suddenly so glad that today instead of my usual jeans, I chose my favorite sundress. It makes me feel pretty and feminine in a way that jeans don't.

Blue leads me to the couch and pulls me down and across his lap.  Did I actually just giggle like a school girl?  Yes, I think I did!

I think it's time we had a little maintenance. 

I've read enough blogs to know maintenance isn't always such a welcome thing. Honestly, I love it! Our maintenance sessions are generally friendly and often lead to better things. He begins to swat me very softly with his hand. He slowly increases the intensity of the swats.

You were a little rude to me this morning, you need to be more careful about that.  

True, I was grumpy that morning. Blue suddenly flips up the skirt of my dress and increases the tempo and intensity of his swats. He keeps it up for long enough that I begin to squirm and I have to fight the urge to put my hand back there to try and stop him. I've done that before and it doesn't work out very well for me. I know better now.

Blue knows he's made his point, and he slows his pace and lightens up his intensity. He finally stops altogether and he's quiet for so long I begin to wonder if something's wrong. I manage to turn my head enough to look up at him. He's just sitting there gazing down on me and I suddenly feel as shy as I did when we first married.

He helps me sit up and holds me in his lap stroking my hair. Finally, we stand and make our way to the bedroom with only the flickering light of a single candle and the sound of rain on the roof.  I love storms!

Monday, August 27, 2012

A Word From Blue

Back in July, my good friend Molly Rose had a post with a series of questions meant to get to know others better.  Both Molly Rose and her fiance Jack completed the questions, and I know Riley and her guy, Cael did too. Also, Rosie and Mr Bossy.  If you haven't read those, just click on their names and go check it out. It's very interesting hearing about how others got started in this lifestyle. At least, I think so.  I answered the questions myself too.

I didn't even try to get Blue to participate then, but we had a lot of time this weekend. That doesn't happen too often unfortunately. Anyway, he indulged me and answered the questions. I faithfully transcribed his responses here. As it turns out, it's a little embarrassing to read about yourself  in a format like this. I wish we had done it as a couple like the others, but I guess better late than never?  I thought maybe you would enjoy getting to know Blue a little better, so I guess I'll just grin and bear it. :)

1. How did you very first learn about DD, and what was your initial reaction to the concept?

I knew something was up before I ever heard the words Domestic Discipline. My wife, you know her as Cowgirl, had changed a lot in the way she handled herself. I did love the changes. One night she brought the subject up. I could tell that this was something important to her, so I listened and tried to keep an open mind. I hope I don't offend anyone when I say, I thought it was too weird for my tastes. I couldn't understand why a grown woman would want to be treated like a child. I know now it isn't like that at all. I want to add that I wasn't a bit surprised at the name my wife gave herself. It fits her to a T.

2. Share one of your all-time favorite DD memories of you and your partner.

I know my Cowgirl  wrote about the whole standing in the corner thing. What you may not understand is that Cowgirl giving herself permission to cry is a pretty rare thing. Her crying on my shoulder that day is something I'll never forget. Not much else to say there...

3. What is one aspect of DD that you feel your partner has always handled very well?

Cowgirl is quick to own up to her mistakes and I like that. She never tries to get out of a punishment even when she knows it will be a strong one.

4. If you had to pick one person in your life to tell that you practice DD, who would you tell?

I would tell my Dad. He's of a generation where men were men and no apologies for it. My parents have a marriage that closely follows DD principles anyway. If there's spanking involved there, I don't even want to know about it!

5. What is one thing you wish you had known when you started DD?

Spanking my wife to punish her is the hardest thing I've ever done. It hurts me more than her I think. I hate seeing her in pain of any kind. I can't argue with the results though, so I will do it when I have to. The day I saw her driving like a Nascar driver, her words, took about 5 years off my life.  I was glad I still had some work to do before I could get home. I needed that time to settle myself down to deal with her. 

6. (I added this question of my own) So, how do you make your hand feel like a 5 pound brick? You  
    shouldn't be able to do that!!

Come here and I'll show you!  (laughing)

Blue never did get around to showing me that hand trick of his. He showed me lots of others though. I do love that man!  Thanks again Molly Rose for the questions. Maybe we can get a few more people to participate....I promise, I'll pass along any comments you may have to Blue.

Friday, August 24, 2012

For Divas Only!

I debated for several days on this post. Should I publish this or not. It is a little lot bizarre and it has absolutely nothing to do with DD. Still, it is so very funny....I guess if you're reading this, I finally hit the publish button.

I never in a million years expected to have a post about a feminine hygiene product. Wait, don't leave yet!   The following is a review I came across at about an alternative to the usual things you find at your local drugstore to deal with your, well you know.  This writer is so bust-a-gut-laughing funny, I just had to share it with you guys. Apparently, the reviewer is preparing for a trip to an exotic locale, and the vacation is coinciding with a certain monthly inconvenience. Oddly enough, she is writing under the name Ben Dover, but this a woman without a doubt.

Seriously, I haven't read anything this funny since Lillie's post about cat crack! If you haven't read that, do yourself a favor and check it out here.

Disclaimer: The following is pretty graphic at times, although it's done in a funny way. Some may find it offensive. If so, I apologize.

Still with me?  I hope you have as much fun reading this as I did......

So one of the many new devices I purchased for this trip was a Diva "Moon Cup". Since feminine hygiene supplies would be hard to come by and waste-producing, I opted instead to buy a thing like a Barbie Deluxe Toilet Plunger, and stuff it up my hooha.

The theory is that the cup catches your pan drippings, and you empty it a couple times a day, washing it with hippy soap, and reinserting. It presupposes you are enough of an Earth Mother to be OK not only with your monthly outpourings, but also with generally fossicking around in your flaps. Now, I am no stranger to gore. Nor am I squeamish about my delicate rose of delight, except that I have no such illusions about it and indeed am always reminded of nothing so much as stuffing an oddly-warm raw turkey. So, when after several weeks of teasing, the Period Fairy threatening to postpone the Communist Invasion until I was actually getting on the plane (I was about ready to scream and cry at some hapless unwary male just as a sacrifice to appease her) at last I greeted the rosy-fingered dawn and set about embarking on my new life as a eco-friendly Diva.

The Moon Cup comes in two sizes; Size A, for youthful nymphs under 30 who have never given birth and have silken tresses and tinkling laughs and are all size 0, and size B, for Big Ol' Bitches like m'self, who have either spawned, or are so old (ie over 30) that they might as well have been poppin' them out like Duggar Donuts, because their sugar walls are now echoing corridors full of cobwebs and slackness. Of course the packaging phrases it more nicely, but I was miffed to see that despite having never replicated, I was still doomed to the Big Gulp size because of my age alone.

So, chalice in hand, fingers washed, and let's fold that thing like a taco (no, not THAT thing, the other thing!) and cram it up where only one man has gone before and even then not for a damn long time even when he WAS still around. I'm sure I imagined the rusty creaking sounds as I tried to shove something which was larger than anything previous (with the exception of various medical speculum's which, I believe, were constructed by the same person who designed the Montlake Drawbridge)into the Gaping Maw.

Now, you're supposed to roll the cup up, smuggle it past the border, let it expand, then turn it clockwise (or counter clockwise, or then one way and another, stopping when you hear the click, or something...) anyway, you're supposed to be able to turn this thing like a dial in there."If the cup does not turn easily, you did it wrong" Oh, of course, I'll just grasp hold of a thing about the size, shape, and slipperyness of the pointy end of a peeled hard-boiled egg, which is now buried in the meaty folds of my innermost femininity, which, I may add, are well-sluiced with the special effects from a Quentin Tarantino film, and spin that sucker like a dredel.

There is, also, a small stem at the base of this cup, which, being made of the same slippery silicon and about a centimeter long, is about as helpful as providing a live, untrained earthworm for a handle. More on this later.

So, rotate this thing in situ, to ensure a good 'seal' and a comfortable fit.

Does. Not. Happen.

Ladies (and gentlemen, although I hope for your sake none of you gentlemen are reading this), I tried. I hauled that thing in and out of there more times, and with much less joy, than Eeyore with his birthday present, and not once could I get that thing to "turn easily". I finally gave up, since it seemed, at one point, to be "fully inflated" and more or less in the right place. Frankly I think that having left my furrow unplowed for so long, I'm not exactly the proper degree of hotdog-hallway that the instruction-writer was intending to address, but so be it. Let's give this thing a whirl, if we can't give it a twist.

Fast forward a few hours in which I've done nothing much. To its credit, I don't feel the presence of THE CUP at all, no discomfort, not even a vague sense of "eugh" as I sometimes have when knowing all that stands between me and my khakis is a small cottony Dutch boy. In fact, I'm getting rather concerned that the Diva Cup has wormed its way in like some form of parasitic jellyfish and is now eagerly migrating up my fallopian tubes, with me all unknowing. Time to go fishing.

And that is where I discover that, while it's difficult to try and 'turn' a Diva Cup newly lodged in your sanctum sanctorum, it's a freakin' log-fall compared to trying to recover said Cup after it has gotten comfortably settled in the downy folds of your blood-engorged tissues. Yes, indeed, if cram my fingers up there to the point of pain, I can just, tantalizingly, tickle the end of that silicone 'stem'. Grasp it? Not in hell.

Of course the instructions say, if this happens, DO NOT PANIC. Well, thank god for that, because I was already running through the list of people I'd trust with a flashlight, a set of forceps, and an experience that would scar both of us for the rest of our lives. There were instructions for different positions, and "bearing down" and so forth, which I tried, to no avail, and I was pretty sure that my ham-fisted efforts (ahem) were just making things worse on the "swollen" front, so Diva and I took a break, and retired to our respective corners for an hour or so.

Now I brought out my secret weapon: Beer. If, gods help me, I ever have to have a baby, I intend to be drunk off my ass for the delivery, and I surely hope that the Fairy Prince Unicorn Elvis who is my chosen Babydaddy will provide a bedside IV of godly ambrosia, or at least Jim Beam. But anyway, two beers and I'm good to go spelunking in quest of the Holy Grail once more.

Either the beer, or the break, or the combination of all of these and squatting on the bathmat like a Neanderthal crapping, finally, produced enough of that  'stem' to grab (which was good, because I was dreading having use the kitchen tongs Up There or something) and, with a surprising amount of horrible suctioning "discomfort", the invader was routed! And, wonder of wonders, it was indeed partially filled. Not filled with DELICIOUS CANDY, no, but it did seem to have been, you know... -working-, before I so rudely dislodged it from its parasitic feeding. I felt a combination of grudging respect and intrigue, as one might upon meeting a foe worthy of their steel. Provided we could agree to disagree on the whole "turn 360 degrees in place" aspect, perhaps this could indeed be a workable partnership. Better than bleeding into the Rupununi and attracting every cayman, piranha, and candiru fish for fifty miles.

But not without some boundaries first. I tied a ROPE to that stupid stem this time.

Monday, August 20, 2012

I Never Expected This

My blog is now a month old. In some ways it seems like it has been longer, a lot longer. I've been thinking about how this whole thing started...

I started out just as a lurker in blogland. I lurked for at least 3 weeks before I finally got up enough courage to actually comment on a blog. I commented anonymously about 6 times on Clint's blog. It got easier every time. I decided to give myself a name and I thought about what to use for a few days. Cowgirl Up just seemed a good fit.  It has been a motto for me and my best advice. Not to mention, I AM a cowgirl. So, heck, why not just use that?

I started commenting with that name. Soon though, I wasn't happy just being the default avatar. I wanted to use an avatar of my own choosing. I had fun in my search, and finally came across this one that I really liked. I loved the horse and the sunset, plus it even looks a lot like me.  But, how to post using it? I'm not the most techno-savvy, so it actually took me a little time to figure the whole thing out.

Long story short, or at least shorter, I found that I could have my very own blog! It's free!  It would be so easy. I didn't need any special talent. There were plenty of designs and templates to chose from.  I started thinking that this could be fun.

I  had the intention of just trying it on for size. I thought I would just have a few posts with jokes and funny stories and that would probably be the end of it. I never intended to share anything very personal.  I never expected to share intimate moments or things that really mattered to me. I just wanted to have some fun!

I can't believe how quickly that changed. I actually was feeling a little bit guilty; here I was reading all these personal, real things on others' blogs and I was sharing nothing. My first real post, How Living "As If" Became The Real Thing, changed everything for me.

In writing that post, I realized how helpful this blogging thing could be. Writing about things, helped me clarify them in my own mind. It reminded me of having a diary when I was a little girl. My last post, about my experience not standing in the corner, was so very personal to me. Writing it was almost as emotional as living it. Even if not one single person had read that post, I'm glad I wrote it. It was extremely therapeutic. I guess that's why journaling is supposed to be so effective.

The other thing I never expected was that I would come to care about all these other people in blogland! People I've never met and probably never will meet or even talk to except on blogs or emails. I consider them my friends. I pray for them when they write about struggles in their lives. I laugh when I read about funny experiences they've had. I like reading about their families.  I am happy for them when I read about upcoming joyous events in their lives and I can't wait to read all about those too.

I never, ever expected anything like this to happen. I want to thank all of you who have joined my blog, commented on my blog, or just took the time to read a post or two. Many thanks also to all of you who added me to your blog roll. I appreciate it so much.

It has been fun, but it's been so much more than that!

Thursday, August 16, 2012

It Was Just A Matter Of Time

I knew it was inevitable that this day would come. I have been actively dreading it. I've often wondered just what I would do when the time came. I knew it was going to be a problem. A big one. That day finally came. Blue uttered those 5 dreaded words:

Go stand in the corner.

Such a dumb little thing led to this point. Blue had asked me for the second time to call the mortgage company. He wants to know about dropping the PMI, we are probably eligible to do that by now. Anyway, once again, I didn't exactly get around to calling. I meant to. I didn't forget. I was sidetracked by one thing or another. I lost track of time, and then it was too late to call.  I'll call them first thing in the morning before I do anything else, I thought. Maybe I'll get lucky and Blue won't think about it until tomorrow night.....

Nope, no such luck.After supper and all the chores were done, we settled down for a little TV.Blue looks over and asks me what the mortgage company said. I really hate having to tell him that I haven't called yet. I have to explain why I didn't get this one thing that he asked done.  Blue looks a little annoyed, but that's all. If this hadn't been the second time he's asked, this would have been the end of it. I know he's not just going to let it slide again without making a point of some kind.

He says the 5 dreaded words. The moment is surreal, and I just sit there looking at him. I feel myself flush. My mind is racing. I think about all the blogs I've read and all the women who routinely stand in the corner. While I haven't read that any of them exactly enjoy it, they don't seem to have a problem submitting to it. Why do I??

I am not special,  I shouldn't get a pass on this. If all those others can stand in the corner, I should be able to. I don't think I'm better than the ones who go stand in the corner when told to. In fact, I think maybe they are stronger than me. I'm not sure why I have such a major aversion to the whole idea of corner standing. But, I do.

Blue is watching me with interest.  He knows me well, and understands what he's asking isn't such a simple thing for me. Finally, I  stand on shaky legs and walk towards the nearest corner. I come within about 3 feet of it and stop.

I just stand there. I can't believe I'm making such a big deal out of this. I know if I stand in that corner, I will be somehow less in my own eyes. I will feel humiliated and shamed. Why this is, I can't say, but for me, it's true. Blue comes and stands beside me.

Could he physically put me in that question. Will he.....I doubt it. Am I actually going to resist if he does.......Yes. Yes, I am....

Would you rather get another spanking?

I consider this. Don't be crazy, I tell myself. Another punishment spanking is about the last thing I want right now. I finally answer Blue. Yes I would rather get a spanking.

Blue looks pretty surprised by this and he stands there studying me for several minutes. I don't look away and our eyes lock. I don't know what Blue sees in my eyes, but I know what I suddenly see in his. Compassion. He steps forward and takes me into his arms and I bury my head in his shoulder. This simple kindness accomplishes what no spanking ever has.
I cry.

Saturday, August 11, 2012

I Saw You today!

Blue and I have a little ritual when he gets home from work. Probably not much different than a lot of couples. I try to greet him at the door everyday with a big hug and kiss. We exchange a few words about how each of our days went.  Blue heads off to clean up, and I head to the kitchen.

Yesterday, after the usual greetings, Blue said, I saw you today.

Hmmmm, I was thinking of all the places I had been that day. The grocery store, the bank and I had to gas up the pickup, which gets notoriously bad mileage. Anyway, I sure hadn't seen Blue in any of those places. Really, I didn't see you. Where was this?

I saw you driving on the access road and the highway.   He's not smiling and I realize with a sinking feeling just where it was he saw me.

There's an access road that merges with the highway here that has a long "S" curve. The highway is raised and anyone driving on it can clearly see the traffic below. When you're going around those curves, if you go just a little bit faster than the posted speed, you can feel a little bit like a NASCAR driver. Even if you are driving a pickup!

Blue has warned me before about my driving and I usually watch my speed and am a great driver. Really. I flashback to this afternoon. I had the windows down, it was hot, but not a scorcher yet.  The wind was blowing my hair. One of my favorite Skynyrd tunes had just come on and it was cranked up nice and loud. It was just one of those moments when all is right with the world and I was feeling fine.

When I reached those "S" curves today, I went ahead and acted a little like Dale Junior, Foolish, I know. What's worse, once I merged onto the highway, I don't recall slowing down.

Oh geez, this would be the day Blue had to have seen me! Not one of those other days when I was driving like his Grandma!

Blue is standing there pinning me to the spot with his eyes. How, I wonder, does he all of a sudden look like he grew a few inches while I feel smaller somehow.

Looked like you were driving pretty fast.

Oh crap! What to say?  I should just fess up, we both know I'm totally busted. Maybe some kind of self preservation instinct kicked in, because what I said was,

I guess I may have been going a little faster than usual.

I should have just gone with a full confession and an apology. Blue's gaze becomes even harder.

No, it looked more like you were driving it like you stole it. I couldn't even catch up with you in the work truck.

 Blue looks pretty grim and has his lips pressed together. That's never a good sign. He has his eyes locked on mine, and I feel absolutely rooted to the spot I standing on. I feel my mouth go dry and wish I could start this whole day over. I’m having trouble meeting his gaze and feel the sudden need to look down and inspect the polish on my toes. I know what he's waiting for.

Okay, I admit I was driving too fast again. I'm sorry! It won't happen again. I know this isn't going to get me out of trouble, but it's true and I know he'll appreciate not hearing more excuses.

Yeah, I'm going to make sure it doesn't happen again. I guess the warnings I've given haven't made much of an impression on you.  We'll make sure that the next time you're driving on that road, you have something to remember. Go ahead to the bedroom and get ready. I'll be there after I clean up, and we'll take care of this right now.

He stands there until I turn around and head down the hall. It's a relief to get away from his steely gaze, at least for a few minutes. Blue is really angry with me, with good reason I have to admit. I've heard several others mention their "worst spanking ever", and I think the one I'm about to experience will be my worst ever.

Getting ready only consists of losing my Levi's. Now what? I hate the waiting and don't know what to do with myself. Sit, stand, pace. I do all three. Finally, I hear Blue's footsteps coming down the hall. It seems like I've been waiting a long time, but it's only been about 10 minutes.

He opens the door and I see he has his belt in hand.

Come here.

My long run of no punishment spankings comes to an abrupt end. I made it a one month and three days. A new record for me.

NASCAR? Not a fan!