Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Good-bye.....for a while.

Hey, everyone. I apologize for just disappearing for days. I have missed all of you, and while I may not have had the time to read your posts and comment as I usually do, it isn't because I don't care. I certainly haven't lost interest either.

It was an email from fellow blogger and friend,  Wilma at Barney Married Wilma,  that made me realize it was about time I wrote this post, much as I don't want to.  Wilma is a new blogger, and if you haven't been by yet, I highly recommend you visit her blog.

So much can change in just a few days. Since my last post, a very close family member of Blue's has been diagnosed with a terminal illness.  It has been devastating and life changing for all involved. Besides the emotional toll, there are practicalities to be dealt with. Blue and I will be heavily involved in both for.......well, I don't know how long. It may even involve a move out of state for us in the near future.

As much as it hurts me to say this.......I'm going to have to put blogging on hold. I just don't have the time. I hope you understand, it's isn't because I don't want to. I can honestly say that I love many of you and I will miss you more than you'll ever know. I will visit you on your blogs when I can. I'm leaving my blog up to use it for the links to yours. And, who knows, maybe I can even post now and then.

I wish every one of you great health, love and happiness in all you do. Big hugs to everyone, I love you guys...........

Friday, October 5, 2012

HoH Appreciation Day?

We all know how hard it is to be the submissive partner in a DD/TTWD relationship. Submitting is not for sissies.  On good days,  it's relatively easy. Especially when we agree. Those days are so smooth and easy. We just blend together seamlessly, we truly are one. DD just feels so right.

It gets to be a true challenge when we don't agree. Those days we don't agree on the course of action we should take for an ordinary day-to-day issue we're faced with. Then there are those days we don't agree on a much larger issue.  Sometimes, we just aren't feeling it, and don't want to submit. For whatever reason. 

I think most of us would also agree that taking a painful spanking can be truly challenging as well. It may look like the spanker is doing all the work and the spankee only has to lay there. We know better. It's not easy to maintain your position. Not easy to resist your natural instinct to get away, or failing that, protect yourself and fight back. I grew up with the idea that if someone hit me, I had to hit them back.  It was a matter of honor :) 

With that said, what about the view from the other side........

What about the challenges from the HoH's point of view. I mean, we really do ask a lot of them. They have undertaken a huge responsibility. We expect them to be fair. We expect them to know, instinctively, what we need. We expect them to selflessly guide us. We expect them to help us meet our goals. To provide motivation when necessary. To provide maintenance to remind us of our roles. To carry out a punishment spanking, even when it's the last thing they want to do.  I'm still haunted by the pain I saw in Blue's eyes as he carried out a third and then a fourth punishment spanking. I saw his pain, but I also saw his determination. And his love.

I think most DD/TTWD lifestyles are started by the future submissive. We spend weeks or even months educating ourselves on this life and then we present our case to the HoH to be. Some agree to try DD with great reluctance and others seem downright eager to try it on for size. Given time the HoH settles comfortably into his new role. He gains more confidence with every passing day. Finally, inevitably, the day comes when he makes an unpopular decision or gives a spanking that is considered unfair. Then what?

A trial by fire. I know when I first seriously disagreed with Blue regarding a punishment, I reluctantly submitted. But then, I set about making his life miserable as repayment. I've learned a few things since then, and I've grown. I doubt that I would ever behave like that again. Still, I gave him hell. Literally.

What do the HoH's get in return?  A better relationship, sure! A better sex life, you bet! The benefits are too numerous to list. They would make an entire post. I  know several bloggers have done just that too.  Do all the benefits outweigh all the many responsibilities? 

Blue sure seems to be a happy man. He says he's just doing the job a man should do anyway. I know it all feels so right to me.  I have to believe Blue is being honest when he says DD is worth every hardship and bump in the road we've both experienced. And there have been many. I believe there will be many more.  I think we'll both rise to the occasion.

If you look at the calendar, there is no HoH appreciation day. I think there should be! I'm going to spend tomorrow showing Blue how much I appreciate him.  How grateful I am that he took on this role. Especially for sticking it out when I made it sooooo hard!

Have you hugged your HoH/DH/Top/Dom today?

Friday, September 28, 2012

Afternoon Delight

Finally, it's cooled off a little around here. You can actually spend some time outdoors without frying your brains and boiling your eyeballs. One day last week, Blue and I took advantage of a mild afternoon to try and catch up on some much needed yard work. Not that there was too much grass to cut anyway, the intense heat of summer and the draught has pretty much destroyed the landscaping. Weeds though, those suckers could survive Armageddon I guess. There's always trash blowing in that needs to be picked up, and the bushes sure could use a good trimming.

Blue was busy out front making some serious headway on those pesky weeds. I went to the shed to get the pruning shears. They hadn't been returned to their usual spot and I had to rummage around for them a little. I found the shears, but in the process, I came across something else. Something that had me thinking all kinds of wicked thoughts!

It was a super soaker!  An old one that belonged to our son. He and his friends had many water battles in this very yard. If you've never seen a super soaker, think a water gun on steroids. They are much bigger and they use pressurized air to shoot the water out much harder and farther than you ever could with a regular water gun. You could get someone soaking wet from about 20 feet away. I looked it over, searching for cracks or obvious damage. It looked in good shape. I guess it had been pretty protected here in the dark shed. I was thinking I should at least see if it still worked, I mean, what's the harm in that?

After a quick peek around the corner to see if Blue was still occupied, and indeed he was,  I hurried over to the hose to fill the gun. No leaks, yay!  I pumped it up to pressurize it and let loose an experimental stream.  Yep, it's working just fine!  Do I dare??

Oh, h***  yeah!  How could any self respecting cowgirl pass up such a golden opportunity to get some revenge have a little fun! I peeked around the corner of the house. Blue was about 40 feet away with his back to me still pulling weeds. I started walking slowly towards him. I just needed to get within about 15-20 feet before he noticed me. If  I could get that close, Blue was guaranteed a good soaking!

Blue was really intent on his job and I was able to sneak up on him, no problem. I held the super soaker at the ready, just waiting for the perfect moment. I had a hard time not giggling, but I managed somehow. Finally, Blue started to rise and turn around. No doubt, wondering where I was.

I waited until he turned and faced me, his eyes widened when he spotted me and saw what I held at the ready in my hands. He started to say something, I didn't wait to hear it. I pulled the trigger and blasted him for all I was worth. Blue was drenched in short order, they don't call it super soaker for nothing!  He ducked behind the nearest bush, sputtering and cussing. I pursued him laughing hysterically. I knew there would be hell to pay, but I was having way too much fun to be concerned about that!

Much too soon, the powerful stream of water became a weak drizzle. Uh oh! Blue noticed the drenching had slowed and started towards me with an evil smile. I tossed the soaker aside with a shriek and ran for my life! I heard Blue's pounding footsteps closing the gap between us and desperately tried to pick up my pace. I would have been able to run a least a little faster if I could have managed to stop laughing.

I managed to make it to the corner of the house before I was grabbed around the middle, swung around and lifted off my feet. Blue held me against his dripping wet shirt and laughed while I struggled to get free. He headed to the outdoor faucet with me in tow. The faucet with the garden hose attached.......He turned it on full blast!  He held me kicking and screaming and laughing while he reeled in the hose. The closer the hose end got, the harder I fought to get away. The hose end that was streaming cold water. Blue asked if I really thought I would get away with my little prank. Nobody gets me wet without paying, he said.

Finally,  the hose end reached Blue's other hand and I took my inevitable cold shower with much shrieking and complaining. Of course, in all the struggle, Blue got another good soaking right along with me. :)

Eventually, we picked ourselves up and headed to the house to change into some dry clothes. Turned out, we needed more than a change of clothes. Our arms and legs were speckled with dirt and bits of leaves and dead grass. I ran a nice warm shower and stepped in to rinse off.

Blue joined me in the shower, as I knew he would. He insisted that since I was the one who caused him to get dirty, I had to clean up my mess. I happily complied. After a little playful soapy fun, Blue turned me around to face the back wall of the shower. He took my hands and placed them on the wall near my head. The pose reminded me of the position you would assume for a cop to frisk you. Not that I have personal experience with that, but hey I do like to watch Cops.

Blue admonished me to keep my hands on the wall. He whispered in my ear, did you really think all you were going to get was a cold shower? Suddenly, Blue began spanking me with his hand. Hard and fast. It was very loud on wet skin and it really stung for the same reason. I've heard a little about wet spanking, but had never experienced one for myself. I gasped and half turned, but still kept my hands on the wall.  Blue turned me back around and gave me several more hard swats as my reward for moving out of position. This time, I managed to both keep my hands on the wall and stand still. Blue was apparently satisfied by this and by the degree of redness he produced on my behind. The swats stopped and Blue found other, more fun uses for those big rough hands of his!

Guess the yard maintenance can wait for another day...........

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

The Good The Bad And The Ugly....Part Two

In my last post, I talked about my initial reaction to being grounded from blogland. It wasn't pretty. I challenged Blue's role as an HoH. My own commitment to DD and ability to submit, even especially when I don't want to, was sorely tested as well. The good part is, we both passed the test and came out of it much stronger.  Stronger in DD and stronger as a couple.

I ended my last post with me waiting for Blue to finish with our second spanking of the day. I was feeling ashamed of myself for making this so hard for both of us. Especially hard for Blue. He was so determined to do what had to be done, but it was equally hard for him to do it! Regular readers may remember Blue saying that he hates to really hurt me. He wasn't kidding. Punishment spankings have always been a hard thing for him. The results are what gives him the strength to get through them.  This spanking was no exception, and he finished what I had walked away from earlier.

By the next day, I was feeling back to my old self. Gone were the grumpies and I didn't feel any desire to needle Blue or be bratty. In the back of my mind, though I was thinking about that other spanking. The one I earned by walking away from that second spanking. The one he had told me I would be getting today. I really didn't want another one!  I had already had three. The initial one that Friday and those two on Saturday. They were all real punishment spankings, and they were all with the belt. My poor butt was already too sore to sit down without pain. Maybe he'll forget or change his mind! 

We enjoyed a leisurely breakfast and the Sunday paper. I was engrossed in the latest book reviews when I felt Blue's intent gaze. I looked over to find him studying me.

I know you remember what I said yesterday. Let's get it over with and enjoy the rest of the day. I'll meet you there in a few minutes.

You really don't have to do that, Blue! I'm sorry that I walked away like that. I did go back didn't I? Wasn't that good enough!

Yes, that was good enough. I'm proud of you for doing that. That's not what this is about. You have to know that when I say you're getting a spanking, that's just what's going to happen. Please, don't make this any harder than it already is. Go. Now.

The last thing I want is a repeat of yesterday. I reluctantly went to our bedroom and undressed. The waiting again! I hate it! Mercifully, Blue is there in just a few minutes. He gestures for me to bend over the bed once again. I do and so it begins. Again. I'm not expecting Blue to go easy and he doesn't. This fourth spanking is just as intense as the other three.  I feel intense pain, but more than that. I realize in sheer disbelieve that I'm crying! I've never been able to cry during a spanking before. I always wanted to, it was a goal I had all but given up on. Suddenly, it's like a dam has given way and I'm sobbing uncontrollably. I'm shaking with the force of my tears. It's such a blessed relief. It's not about the pain, although I guess that was the trigger.  All those walls I spent years building up to protect that child I used to be came tumbling down. For good I think, I hope.  Blue is so shocked he stops and throws the belt down to gather me in his arms. I soak his shirt all the way through while he holds me tight. We lay together on the bed for a long, long time. I can't believe how I feel. Cleansed. Whole. Safe. Grateful. Madly in love with Blue.

The rest of my grounding from blogland was much easier and much less dramatic! Still, I really did miss everyone here. I don't think it would be an exaggeration to say I had real withdrawal symptoms. I smoked for years and it was pure torture to give cigarettes up.  I used to guzzle Diet Coke all day every day, and when I quit, it was the second hardest thing to give up next to cigarettes. My addiction to blogland wasn't quite so severe, but it ranked up there somewhere. Good thing Blue took me in hand when he did, a few more weeks and I may have been a hopeless addict, lol!

I got caught up on the little things that had been neglected. I reconnected with a really good friend. I got back into my workout routine. It is a little disheartening how quickly I lost endurance. I'll get it back though. I had a girls day out with several friends that included lunch and shopping. Blue came home to a clean orderly house and hot home cooked meals. I even managed to make some really good desserts....Yes, Blue is once again a happy camper. And, so am I.

I think I have regained some perspective. No matter how good the posts, no matter how fascinating the stories, blogland is not my priority. Not even close.  No blog, including my own will be more important than what I have here with Blue and taking care of my home and yes, even myself. I also have a part time business that will require lots more attention in the coming months.

I've made a little sign out of Bonnie's advice and posted it by my computer. I can't help but see it every time I sit down here. It simply says "Make your blog fit your life. Don't make your life fit your blog." 

A hard lesson learned, but maybe that's the best way to learn one?  Blue has not given me any restrictions as far as how much time I can spend here. He has no desire, or time, to micro-manage me. I'm free to spend as much time here as I want. With one BIG condition. Everything has to get done and get done right. Just like it was while I was grounded. Just like it used to be. If I can't manage that, right back to bending over the bed I go, followed by blogland being off limits again. I'm pretty sure it will be longer than a week next time. 

Several bloggers commented that they give themselves time away from blogland on a regular basis. I think that's pretty smart, and I 'm going to do the same now and then. If I find myself coming down with a case of blog fever again, I plan on walking away for a day or two. Way better to police myself than have Blue do it!

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

The Good The Bad And The Ugly... Part One

So, I was all set to publish my first post since my grounding from blogland. I wrote a nice, happy cheerful post about how beneficial my time off was and how I got my priorities straight, yada, yada, yada.  All true, but.....that's not the whole story. That's the second half of the story.

Because, before all that good stuff, there was some growing to do. On both our parts. I would like to say that I took my grounding with submissive good grace. But, I didn't. Not even close. I was pissed! Not so much because of missing blogland itself, although, I certainly did miss it and all my blogging friends/family. It was more the principle of the thing. I mean grounded...really! I haven't been grounded from anything by anyone since I was about what, 15?  Being grounded rankled.

When Blue came home that Friday night, I was still doing chores. Chores that should have been done earlier in the day. I hadn't even started on the evening meal. This wasn't the first time either, and I had no good excuse. Blue asked what I had been doing all day.  When Blue asks me a direct question, I just can't lie. DD or no DD, I'm just not capable of lying to him. He asked how much time I had spent on the internet. I told him, no choice. His eyes narrowed and his lips pressed together in that way they do when he's upset.

There's no doubt that this time, I will be spanked for my lack of time management. He has me wait in the bedroom while he cleans up.  I really hate the waiting part, but finally, after a few hours, (no, more like 15 minutes) Blue appears in the doorway. With his belt. Sigh, so it's going to be one of those. He gestures for me to bend over the bed, which I do. He starts slow and easy while telling me how disappointed he is that I can't manage my time any better than that. He asks what I need to change, do I need him to make me a schedule. He has been progressively getting harder with his swats during all this talking. I have managed to answer pretty intelligently for several of his questions, but now I'm not really capable of that. It's all I can do to maintain my position without either putting my hand back or sidling away out of the strike zone. Holy s**t, that belt hurts!  I grit my teeth and ride it out! Finally, Blue stops and steps back. I stand and turn around to face him. He pulls me into his arms and soothes me for several minutes. We sit down (ouch), to talk about blogland and my obsession with it. He breaks the news that besides the spanking I just had, I'm also grounded from blogland for a week!

At least, the next morning, Saturday, Blue allowed me a few minutes to say goodbye to you guys. I didn't want to just disappear, and he understood that. I hurriedly wrote that post about being grounded and then signed off.

I'm not so proud of my behavior during the next few days. I was a brat. Literally. I got under Blue's skin in a thousand different ways. I was grumpy. I was irritable. I was sarcastic. I was rude. Blue's resolve as a HoH was sorely tested. He stood fast. He stayed cool, calm and collected and didn't back down an inch. He spanked me twice that first day. I earned both of them. I needed both of them.  I had trouble submitting to the second one. I was still feeling bratty. I know you're probably thinking, wow, what an idiot! You would be right.

Anyway, so there I was bending over the bed for the second time in one day, when I just basically stood up and walked away!  It wasn't because of the pain, although, I assure you it was plenty painful. A spanking on an already red burning butt is seriously not fun! I do not recommend it. I'm still not exactly sure what came over me, I just decided I'd had enough. Enough spanking and maybe even enough of DD. I have never once felt that way before. A stunned Blue watches me walk away. I go into the living room and sit on the couch.

Blue is there standing over me in seconds.

We're not finished. I suggest you get yourself back in there. You've just earned yourself another spanking tomorrow. But now, we're going to finish what we started today. One way or another, we're going to finish this!

For the first time in over 20 years, I'm a little bit afraid of Blue. The feeling shocks me all the way down to my toes. Looking up at him in shock, I see he is fully prepared to toss me over his shoulder and carry me back to the bedroom if it comes to it. Looking more closely, I see he's just as distressed as I am.  Suddenly, I feel ashamed. What am I doing to him, to us?

In this moment, DD is more real than it ever has been. We have been living the life for 6 months now, but it's never been THIS real. I have a choice to make here. I can say the words "I don't want to live in DD anymore."  Or, I can submit. This isn't a game. It's real. Am I in or not. I can't have it both ways. I can't only submit when I feel like it. I can't only submit when I agree with Blue. I have to submit all the time. Even when it's the very last thing I want to do.

I stand up and silently make my way back to our bedroom and bend over the bed.  I wait for Blue to come and finish what we started.

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Put In Time Out

Well, it's no big surprise. I blew it again yesterday.  I have been a little too obsessed with blogland a little too much for weeks now. Chores have gone undone. Errands have gone unrun. Phone calls have gone unmade. Meals have been from the freezer a few times too many.

Blue has certainly noticed, and I've had a few warning looks and comments. I don't know why I haven't been able to control myself any better. That's really not like me at all. My self control is normally pretty iron clad. I have been truly obsessed with blog reading. I sit down here meaning to only read a few posts, and before I know it, hours have gone by.

Blue has been patient, but his patience reached an end yesterday. I got spanked, and I'm also grounded from blogland for a week.

Honestly, I think the break will be healthy. I could use some time to reevaluate my priorities. Bonnie at My Bottom Smarts, sorry I don't have time to link to her, has a great post with advice to new bloggers. One of the things she said, was to make your blog fit your life. Not the other way around. Makes perfect sense, too bad I didn't take heed.

Take care, my good friends and "family." I'll miss you!

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Would It Still Work?

On my post, a Word From Blue,  Lillie asked a question in the comment section that has been on my mind every since. She asked Blue if he thought DD could work without the physical element. In other words, do you really have to spank?  I am referring to real punishment spankings, not the more fun kind.......:)

I realize that the second "D" stands for discipline, but does it really have to be physical? There are lots of options. Writing lines, loss of privileges, grounding, etc...

Blue thinks it is possible for some people to have a successful DD style relationship without spanking. He was thinking of his own parents. While he was growing up, there was no doubt at all who The Boss of the household was. What his dad said went, no questions asked. Blue and his siblings were expected to "mind" him or suffer the consequences. That included getting a whipping, as he called it. His dad also believed in being sent to your room and being grounded. Blue's mom also submitted to her husband's authority.  Blue can't think of a single time his mom went against what his dad said. His dad was/is a very strong HoH, yet I'm sure if I called him one, he would not have a clue what I meant by it. I'm also quite confident that Blue's dad has never spanked his mom. It's so unlikely, I can't seriously consider the possibility. Blue's parents have already celebrated their 50th anniversary.

I know in the beginning of our DD journey, before Blue ever spanked me, my change in behavior had a huge beneficial effect on our relationship. Could I have kept it up without any other incentive? Namely, to save my butt from feeling the fire.....Honestly, I don't know. I think I could have and would have to some extent, but.....I guess my own opinion is mixed. Yes, I think it could still work for us without punishment spanking, just not nearly as well!

What do you think?  Could/Would you still be submissive without punishment spanking? Is it optional or a must have for your relationship?